“We’re gonna go for the jugular,” Charlie Manuel replied.

So, in what was somewhat of a misunderstanding regarding the intensity of play, the two coaches squared off yesterday in the first scrimmage of the Phillies Spring Training that I could not listen to because the link provided by Phillies Nation to the Seminoles website was faulty.  Or, maybe my computer just couldn’t handle the stress.  That’s what I get for buying computer parts made in 1911.

Phillippe Aumont was the first victim of the afternoon, allowing the ‘Noles to jump out to a 5-0 lead, including a 3-run home run and three walks.  Not exactly what the Phils wanted to see from one of the three parts Cliff Lee broke into when they threw into the Mariners.

But, it’s not even technically the real pre-season yet, so Charlie Manuel would do naught but stick his hands down his pants as Aumont continued to shoot devious, rage-fueled glares toward the locker room door.

Dane Sardinha, who is apparently not in prison, drove in four runs, Andy Tracy scored three times, and Chris Duffy had two RBI as the NRI-brigade stormed the field in what became a violent, lopsided, blood-soaked, friendly game of baseball.

First Simpsons thought from seeing this picture: "Save us, Virtual Doc!" "Goodbye."

J.A. Happ also pitched two scoreless innings, but who cares, right?  Because today’s starter is the one that matters. Early-rising, new-coming, zoo-going, Roy Halladay, squaring off against Yankees’ ace C.C. Sabathia in a re-living of one of my shittiest nightmares since Master Chief kept walking out of my Halo poster and beating me senseless with his bare, cyborg fists.

Yes, today two masters of their game will begin a duel that will have asses in seats and blood vessels popping in anticipation for the first great matchup of the year.  And then after one inning, they will sit down, because nobody wants to strain themselves.

But WHOA!  No Victorino in the lineup, though.  Now I’ve got to spend all day worrying about that sore shoulder.  I’ve already called off work.

PHILLIES
Jimmy Rollins SS
Placido Polanco 3B
Ben Francisco CF
Jayson Werth RF
John Mayberry Jr. LF
Cody Random 1B
Juan Castro 2B
Brian Bocock DH
Carlos Ruiz C
Roy Halladay P

“I want the Yankees,” Charlie Manuel said, in other thinly-veiled death threat against the opposing team before a baseball game that does not matter.  I’m glad he’s like this already.

Tearing into the jugulars of college players? Taunting the team that beat us in the WS a few months ago?  Did Charlie hit a possum with his car and develop some sort of undeniable blood lust in the past few days?  The way he’s talking, he’s seconds away from breaking a bat over his own face and using the two jagged pieces of wood to hunt down the Yankees’ starting nine like Rambo.

But that’s what you need from your coach.  Gotta want it, Charlie!