Reading is starting to look a lot like L.A., I’ve noticed in pictures. Jayne Kamin-Oncea-US PRESSWIRE

Widespread mass panic is totally under control, reports mayor from helicopter

Reading is more than just a highway exit sign you pass on your way to somewhere more important.

It’s home to one of the oldest traditions in minor league baseball; an industry in which affiliations, nicknames, and locations are as transitory as rosters.

As Phillies fans, Reading has more meaning to us than most other small central PA towns.  How many summer evenings in our childhoods did our parents say, “Hey, let’s go to a Phillies game,” only to decide after a quick glance at the bank account that maybe Reading was a more responsible choice than Philadelphia; barring, of course, that nobody picked up the Phillies Franks this week with the free game ticket and image of hearth throb Kevin Stocker.

It’s nostalgia like this that’s about to be wrapped up, dragged to the town square, and ritually slaughtered in front of legions of fans, wailing in agony.

Well… no.  But that’s what it feels like.  Maybe.  This Saturday, the final announcement will come as to what the R-Phils will be known as for years to come.  Theories arise that we’ll all be buying Reading Railroaders hats in the coming weeks.  As the moment approaches, the people of Reading are going from shocked to antsy to unnerved to riotous.

The importance of tradition in baseball is slipping away.  Did you know that there was talk of giving Mike Trout the AL MVP this year just because he was a better player than the guy who won it?!  Anarchy, I tell you!

But the Reading Phillies have always been the Reading Phillies.  It’ll be weird seeing them as another team, even if their Double-A affiliation isn’t in question.  But as the R-Phils explain, the reason they’re doing this is for the fans.  It’s because the franchise has the prolonged legacy to stand on that they feel they form their own identity, still loyal to the Phillies franchise, but independent of their brand.  Minor league clubs aren’t renown for their longevity; in Reading, the tradition deserves to be noted and rewarded.  They call it “Baseballtown,” not “Philliestown” or “Traditionsburg.”  Frankly, we’d hate it if they did.  Those names are terrible.

There is more to life than baseball.  It just doesn’t feel that way because we rely on baseball to provide a protective blanket from all of life’s horrible distractions, like sunlight and relentless emails from your family with “ARE YOU COMING TO THANKSGIVING?!?!” in the subject line.

But change is inevitable, and a lot of things do so with no reason or warning.  The Reading Phillies had both.  There is no reason to prematurely scoff at what their innovative executives have come up with.

Unless it’s something stupid.  Then lets all hate it!

“The plans say this whole section needs to be trampolines.” Bruce Thorson-US PRESSWIRE

If the Reading Phillies tell you anything, which they probably will being open, friendly people, it’s usually “GET OUT OF THE WAY MASCOT STAMPEDE OH GOD OH GOD.”

But if they tell you anything on a day that that intern Gerald didn’t forget to lock the mascot pen, it’d probably be that they and the Phillies have the longest running minor league affiliation in all of baseball.   It’s got all the beauty of a long term relationship; trust, appreciation, admiration, spicing things up by adding men in body suits, and apparently, a healthy need for distance.

Yes, despite pride in their longevity, the R-Phils will be rebranding over the course of the next month.  The days of light blue and bubblegum are over, as the team moves away from emulating their big club, and starts in a direction that will honor their own longstanding legacy.  Not many minoir league clubs can claim the history of baseball in Reading, or “Baseballtown,” and there is no reason for them not to celebrate themselves, for once.  After all, anybody whose been a core contributor to the Phils in recent years has come through Reading, whether on a path to the Majors of just stopping through because they strained something.

So, the Reading offices will be filled with workers and sawdust and properly caged mascots this time, Gerald, as over the next month they prepare for a new era.  Behind the change is a company called Brandiose, who invented the glow-in-the-dark hat and the on-field rally cap for other minor league teams.

The San Diego-based enterprise probably wow-ed Reading with slick, SoCal suits and a dazzling power point presentation, leading them to believe that their old logo was sluggish and old and uncool.  The R-Phils, intrigued, quietly let a phone call from the Phillies go to voicemail.  After all, this is the company that worked with the IronPigs recently, too.

But there’s no west coast ad exec that could break the bond between us and our Double-A squad, no matter how many tranquilizer he sneaks Screwball because he freaks him out.  In the end, it doesn’t matter what colors they wear.  Just that they keep cultivating players into having surprise-Triple Crown caliber seasons.

I’d hop in the car, narrating epic sagas of on base heroics, grand slam home runs, and breaking the record for most unassisted triple plays in a row (four).  And because they weren’t there, they couldn’t just tell me I was remembering it wrong or blocking stuff out again or didn’t have a firm grasp of “…how baseball is played.”

It was so weird.  That’s why its a bit of vindication to know that professional athletes suffer the same sort of condition.  The Reading Phillies just finished losing nine of their last eleven games, including a seven game losing streak.  Manager Mark Parent explained why the coming road trip will help:

“Guys aren’t in front of their girlfriends or wives or family when we’re on the road.”

The vacation is brief, as the R-Phils are back in town by Thursday for a brand new collection of shameful performances in front of increasingly humiliated relatives.  The stadium employees are boycotting free giveaways until the team is respectable again.