That Balls Outta Here » Dane Sardinha

Four Minor Leaguers Seduced by ‘Pigs

Justin Klugh — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 18:09:22 +0000

A lot of people are complaining about the dull drudgery and lack of movement during the GM Meetings, but the Phils are trying to add to their Major League roster as we speak.

How good are you at running while holding a folding chair, or explaining rules to 45,000 screaming lunatics? Several girls from Pennsylvania and Jersey are about to have these exact merits tested as the Phillies give you, the rational fan, a chance to select the last 2011 ball girl. And don’t forget to shop at Macy’s; the preferred discount department store of pistol-wielding shoplifters!

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Roy Halladay Too Good to Win Baseball Game

Justin Klugh — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 20:14:04 +0000

If you were wondering how J.A. Happ is doing in rehab, he’s doing justy grand we are all very proud of the work he’s contributed in Lehigh Valley, thank you very much, not that its any of your business.

[Slams door in your face]

Look the truth is, he’s got an ERA of 6.98 through all five starts in the minors. He’s got 16 K’s in 19.1 IP and all of his runs (15) were earned. He could star once more before July 7, or he could request for a long stint in rehab, or he could just come up to the Major League level and get torched already.

And quite honestly, I’m running out of lies to tell the neighbors.

[Slams car door]

: AAAA GOD DAMN IT

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Phillies Win, Despite Ejections; Nature

Justin Klugh — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 16:39:51 +0000

I walked into 30th Street Station and masses of people were clogging any and all thoroughfares. The once bustling depot had turned into The Day After Tomorrow. Except instead of the end of the world, we had experienced a passing storm.

Somehow, the monkey in charge of Amtrak’s central super computer was struck by lightning and this had jacked the entire grid. A 10 minute rain shower sabotaged every train–well, not every train. Just the ones going west. If you were one of the seven passengers boarding the “Silver Meteor” for the 18-hour journey to Miami, your vacation plans were still solid.

This gave me a window of time to read about how cool John Wall is (I never would have guessed!), what kind of music the Dodgers listen to in their locker room, and to pen a three page diatribe about how I would blow up a train if I could (it centered around robot minions).

He's really very cool.

And then, many hours later, I took pause from stalking the train conductor with a rolled up magazine to wonder, “Oh, shit… did the Phillies win?”

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