I like it much better when this guy is playing terrible defense and not hitting the crap out of the ball: Howard Smith-US PRESSWIRE

Remember last year everyone?  It seemed like the Phillies didn’t lose a series until they played the Mariners during an inter league series.  Ah…..last year.  A year in which the Phillies were the best team in baseball, Roy Halladay and Ryan Howard were doing stuff that didn’t involve the word “rehab,” and Chase Utley, well Chase Utley was doing the exact same thing, but the team was winning a lot more ballgames.

We are now thrust into the present.  A pitcher making a crap ton of money is winless into July, Ryan Howard is now collecting animals two by two in Clearwater, Chase Utley is maybe, possibly getting closer to returning and the Phillies managed to get swept by the Tampa Bay Rays.

This was the type of baseball that makes you want to take a shower after watching it.  In the first game, Cole Hamels pitched well enough to win.  Apparently well enough to win is seven inning of shutout, three hit ball.  Thanks to a sixth inning Jimmy Rollins home run, Cole left the game with a one run lead.  Thanks to a crappy bullpen, said lead was surrendered toot sweet with Antonio Bastardo promptly walking two players and allowing the game winning home run to Carlos Pena.

The Phillies scored a run in the bottom of the inning, but managed to leave another player on third with less than two outs as John Mayberry Jr. killed the rally by striking out looking.  Seriously?  All they needed at this point was a fly ball.  It feels like this type of situation typifies what this team has become.  I suppose this is what you get when you see more of Michael Martinez and Hector Luna than you do Ryan Howard or Chase Utley.  Fernando Rodney got the save for the Rays in a 3-2 loss for the Phillies.

Game two was much worse.  Cliff Lee versus a bunch of relievers.  This seems like a clear advantage for the Phillies right?  Wrong.  Brooks Conrad had two doubles and four RBI as Cliff Lee remained winless this season.  Juan Perez has two wins.  Lee went seven innings and allowed five earned runs (remember Conrad drove in four of them).  The Phillies had pulled within one run before Conrad’s second double, so a lot of the blame can be pinned on Cliff for not being able to get him out.

To complicate matters, the young members of the bullpen were saddled with keeping the score at 5-3.  B.J. Rosenberg walked four guys and Jake Diekman added another walk as the Rays scored some insurance runs without getting a hit.  This one was a 7-3 defeat.

The moment that defeat seemed imminent in the first game was Pena’s home run.  I am not sure how much more explanation is required.  The team scored one run on a solo home run and was saddled with overcoming a two run deficit.  Thanks to John Mayberry Jr., they couldn’t.

In game two it was Conrad’s first double.  Lee looked like he was going to get out of the inning allowing only one run on a Sean Rodriguez RBI double, but Conrad made sure that Lee remained winless.

The most attractive play of the first game was Jimmy Rollins’ home run.  Rollins has been really good lately, escaping blame for the team’s awful play.

In the second game it was….that second game was an absolute crap fest.  Maybe it could be those two times that people got Brooks Conrad out.  More on him later.

The hero of the game was Cole Hamels.  He had the opportunity to tie R.A. Dickey for the league lead in wins.  The bullpen made sure that didn’t happen.

The second game’s hero was Placido Polanco.  He drove in two runs and was generally not terrible.

The villain of the game was Carlos Pena.  He carried an average a touch over .200.  In a left on left matchup, Antonio Bastardo managed to give up a three run homer on the first pitch of the at bat.

The second game’s villain was Brooks Conrad.  As stated in a previous post, Brooks is a stupid name.

Tomorrow Joe Blanton takes on the oddest looking man in baseball, Jeff Karstens.  Hopefully a series with the Pirates can extricate the taste of crappy baseball from our collective mouths.

Remember that surly old man in your head that I talked about in an earlier post?  Well, he is starting to get louder.  Maybe he is drunk, or maybe, just maybe he is watching these shitstorms along with us.  Based his whiskey tainted gravel voiced shouting, he is certainly watching the Phillies get swept by the Nationals franchise for the first time in history.

This one is another shut out by some random pitcher that no one has ever heard of.  The Phillies offense managed two hits off of Brad Peacock.  This is getting a little old.  It would stand to reason that even John Bowker or Pete Orr could get a hit off of some AAA guy, I mean, they are triple A players too.  But apparently, this rationale did not equate to any sort of offensive production.

The positive from tonight was Roy Oswalt.  His final line doesn’t look great, he ended up being charged with six earned runs, but actually sitting through this awful baseball game he was hampered by bad defense and was left in one inning too long.  His fastball reached 94 and he looked pain free in yet another start.

Bad defense, no hitting and John Bowker in the starting line-up. I think people who paid to attend this game should get a refund.  The Phllies finally scored a run in the ninth off of fat ass Todd Coffey.

Tomorrow the Phillies travel to New York to face the Mets.  Here is where the Phillies start to set up their postseason rotation and we all pray that Howard and Pence get healthy enough to return.