As Roy Halladay becomes less and less of a possibility, the Phillies have begun to address those bench needs they are so in desperate need of.  With Chone Figgins being pretty much out of the equation, the Phils are raising an eyebrow at another Halo, old Robb Quinlan, who at 32, is not actually old.

Wait, that's not Chone Figgins at all.

He’s one of these guys that plays, like, every position.  ”Utility man” I think they call them, so he’ll be a real Bruntlett-replacer.  Which means if he doesn’t do something historical completely by accident on his first day, we ship him back to where he came from (I will never stop with the Eric Bruntlett jokes).

So, this stays congruent with Ruben Amaro’s quest for a bench with solid defense, although apparently Quinlan’s D at third is creaking slowly downward; the irony being, Quinlan will be the only player we take from the Angels if we get him.

All of the suffixes of “…but they could still pick up Feliz” could all be for nothing, as the Orioles are apparently intrigued by Peter Happy’s work in the hot corner (among others).  I was wondering why no one mentioned the possibility of another team being even slightly interested in the guy.  He’s a good third baseman; no, not with his bat, but at least he brings something to the table.

And that’s assuming he’d want to come back after being dumped.

Lastly, I don’t care if I have the sneaking suspicion that the Citizens Bank Park tree lighting ceremony (starring Phanta Claus!) is aimed at children, I’m still going.

How much would you pay to be able to click Chone Figgins into an infield that already includes Jimmy Rolllins, Chase Utley, and Ryan Howard?  $50 million?

Then you would be paying more than the Phillies are willing to, as their interest in the former-Angel and current free agent seems to be deflating thanks to his price tag. With $106 million spent on 12 players already, the thought of dropping that kind of cash on one player is enough to make Ruben Amaro start chewing his fingernails off in deep thought.

And, after shoving Eric Bruntlett out of the car yesterday, the Phillies upped their roster to 30 with a couple of minor league additions:

Quintin Berry: Is he best friends with John Gosselin, too?

• Quintin Berry:  A 25-year-old CF whose been .266′in it up down in Double-A Reading, along with 5 HR, 28 RBI, and 48 SB, adding to his four year total of 173 SB.  ”I’m not going anywhere,” said Shane Victorino, unprovoked.
• Yohan Flande:  Now this is interesting.  A starting pitcher who spent the year migrating from Reading, PA to Clearwater, FL with a 10-5 record and a 3.40 ERA in 135 innings?  I’ll have what he’s having:  A solid year of starting pitching.
• Jesus Sanchez: Similar numbers to fellow starting pitcher Flande (10-6, 3.44 ERA in Lakewood), Sanchez is even more interesting because he was just transformed from a catcher into a pitcher.

A conspiracy in baseball?!  Surely I jest.

But jest I do not.  Shortly after the Rookie of the Year balloting came to a close and Chris Coghlan, a terrific young player, came out on top despite not being the best, I was prepared to let it go, because… you know, who cares?

My advocation (outside of J.A. Happ of course) was for Andrew McCutchen, the Pirates CF who made us in Philly look like jackasses a couple of times this year.  Rum Bunter’s been talking conspiracy for a few days, and I’ve got to say I agree with him (though I’m not sure what the conspiracy accomplished in giving Coghlan the award).

It’s not impossible, and he and Marlin Maniac are certainly not wrong in suggesting they got the wrong guy, and seeing as how Happ came in second, I should probably care more.

Definitely not the first time a poor decision has been made in baseball this year.  It’s the season of bad calls that wouldn’t end.

Not this year.

They basically wasted an entire afternoon going out of their way to not congratulate the Yankees, which is just about the greatest governmental proceeding I’ve ever heard of.

"... no, Thomas, you've got to understand you can't just buy a team and not expect small-market clubs to keep their mouths shut."

Then again, there’s some pretty nasty shit developing on every side of the world, so maybe “Yankees suck” isn’t really the best usage of their time right now.

Offseason shuffles continue, as Scott Eyre announces he’s ripping off his Phillies jersey and hurling it into his fireplace in a fit of passion.  ”Loose bodies” or not, Eyre won’t be coming back next year, having filed for free agency.  The bullpen will remain safe from goofball antics, until some other mid-to-late 30s relief pitcher decides to be “The Funny One.”

Happy trails, Scott.

Anybody else keep expecting them to say “National Lampoon’s” before the phrase “loose bodies”?  It feels too natural to ignore.

The Mets’ offseason is also chock full of thought-provoking moves (Because, you know.  Their’s has been a lot longer than ours).  Seeking out a giant baseball bat, like a lot of teams are in need of, they seem to show interest guys like Matt Holliday (Who isn’t?) or Jason Bay.

But now they’re buying admission to the “Chone Figgins Rodeo,” and want to, I don’t know, move him to left or something.

Figgins has got to feel like the prettiest girl at Prom right now.  There’s a truckload of teams all hunting for the same three players, and he’s one of them (Apparently, he’ the only 3B on the free agent market to get an “A” from the “Letter Grades for Professional Athletes Agency” or whatever).

Everyone’s making loud, purposeful coughs over his postseason numbers, I guess (*COUGH* 9-for-35, .086 BA, 9 K *AHEM*).

Change:  It’s a good thing.  Isn’t that right, Congress?