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Miguel Montero Obviously More Popular than Chase Utley, According to This Bracket
We’ve all been walking around, whistling and mindlessly pleasant as we are in Philadelphia, positive that Chase Utley is just an excellent guy. But it doesn’t seem like this is the universally…Read More
Chase Utley Basically Promises World Series Win for 2013
Chase is having an active winter, compared to the last one, in which he just, I don’t know, sat there staring daggers into his knee. He’s sending emails, he’s garnering optimism. And…Read More
Phillies Trap Ruben Amaro in Room with Tom McCarthy for like 20 Minutes
The Phillies told Ruben Amaro that there they had stumbled upon a nest of upper-tier prospects sleeping peacefully behind the radiator in the basement the other day. But when he got there he realized…Read More
Phillies Mural Premiere Delayed; to be Temporarily Replaced with Quad-A Utility Mural
Back-up mural to achieve cult status, then be despised after unsustainable run of success You can stop trying to convince yourself that mid-October still counts as summer and that the Phillies mural will…Read More
Ruben Amaro Politely Explains How He Fooled You All Into Thinking Chase Utley Would Play Third Base
We call them “lies.” Ruben Amaro calls them “strategic fibs.” And this time, he enlisted a partner in crime. Before Friday night’s game against the Marlins in Miami, Amaro…Read More
And more..
Chase Utley Sponsors Better Mural Than You’ll Ever Paint
Mural to feature message of animal kindness, not Brad Lidge Everyone knows about that glorious Phillies…Read More
Phillies Accidentally Announce Secret Plan for 2013 to Everyone
What started as a few casual groundball sessions became a video of possible futures and has now transformed…Read More
Chase Utley has Series of Secret Meetings Regarding Third Base
We’ve gotten to know Chase Utley over the years as a power-hitting second baseman. Well, we’ve…Read More
Chase Utley to Third Could Totally Happen
There are a million reasons why Chase Utley to third base could actually happen. But perhaps the most…Read More
Phillies Really Interested in the Bullpen Improving if it Wants to or Whatever
The Phillies have a great thing going right now. That’s what the inside of my head wanted to believe…Read More
Chase Utley, Ryan Howard News Turns Philadelphia into Giddy Gaggle of Gigglepusses
When we started the season without Chase Utley or Ryan Howard, we were told they would eventually be…Read More
Chase Utley Intimidates Everyone into Believing in the Phillies Again
With every loss this year, we’ve felt our hope crumble and die. After every win, one of the players…Read More
Chase Utley’s Next Location Mysteriously Revealed to Public
Whether it was on purpose to achieve some greater plan, or accidentally slipped through the filters and…Read More
Chase Utley Uncharacteristically Brief in Response to Knee-Related Inquiries
After firing off a 3-for-20 salvo while rehabbing with the Clearwater Threshers, Chase Utley was asked…Read More
Chase Utley Not Booed for First Time in Rehab Start
Chase Utley, as we’ve discussed, is currently working his way through the lower levels of the Phillies…Read More
Chase Utley on His Way Back to Fix Everything Just Like He Promised
Tonight, Chase Utley will begin a brief, temporary career as designated hitter for the Clearwater Threshers…Read More
Latest Chase Utley Model Released for Test Run in Controlled Environment
It’s no secret that the Phillies’ single problem this season has been the absence of Ryan…Read More
Chase Utley Kind of Improving, According to Same Reports as Before
It may not be the most encouraging image, an enfeebled Chase Utley gingerly moving from left to right…Read More
Chase Utley Returns to Training Camp Proving Definitively That Everything is Fine
It’s a brand new day at Phillies training camp, as residual hero Chase Utley came back from that…Read More
Philadelphia Adds ‘Chase Utley’ to List of Things it Has to Pretend are Okay
A lot of outsiders don’t realize that Philadelphia isn’t the endless paradise it seems to…Read More
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