That Balls Outta Here » Billy Wagner

Valentines Day; Sacrificed Goats and Billy Wagner

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 02:41:50 +0000

Billy is pointing up just long enough for the Phillies to kick him square in the nuts.

February is a terrible month. The month is a cold, unforgiving time of year deriving its only solace from its brevity and the presumption that you have someone you care about enough to shove enough chocolate in their direction to render them a diabetic so you don’t ponder taking your own life. The famous gangster Al Capone thought the month perfect for allegedly slaughtering a bunch of his rivals, adding to the pantheon of bad crap that happens in February. It also happens to be the time of year when pitchers and catchers report to their various spring training destinations to begin their preparations for the forthcoming baseball season.

Personally, my family and I prefer to celebrate the holiday as it was intended. We sacrifice goats, wear their skin and lash passing females to ensure fertility. Actually, I usually just complain loudly that the greeting card industry/ flower growers lobby invented the holiday in an attempt to force me to feel like I need to justify my feelings for my wife with cheap shit you can buy at CVS while simultaneously counting down (in earnest) to pitchers and catchers reporting to Clearwater Forida. If you are keeping track, pitchers and catchers report on the 19th.
(more…)

Billy Wagner Apparently Drunk Dialed by Desperate Phillies

Justin Klugh — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 19:10:58 +0000

If reaching out to Travis d’Arnaud is calling your ex, getting in touch with Billy Wagner is drunk dialing your high school fling who accidentally burned down your parents’ house.

Which the Phillies apparently seemed keen on doing before the Papelbon deal went through. With the speed and intensity at which the Phillies are operating this offseason, I was giving them a lot of credit for seemingly having a plan and executing it without much distraction. It inspires confidence, and other positive emotions that seem foreign and confusing this time of year.

But calling Billy Wagner… that is not healthy behavior. (more…)

Out of Ideas, Phillies Attempt to Stop Losing Streak With More Losing; Lose

Justin Klugh — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 21:03:54 +0000

The Phillies Twitter-verse is like hanging out in a smoky bar full of cranky old men screaming at the TV, but the bartender doesn’t have the heart to tell them it hasn’t been plugged in for weeks. At least, it is right now, as we all collectively watch the Phillies slowly choke to death.

So, before I decide in what fashion I will discuss this afternoon’s particular catastrophe, I’m going to feed you some of the top Tweets from today’s game.

TOP PHILLIES TWEETS

First, OuttaHerrrrreee provides us with what is probably a hugely adequate solution. Then again, it has been almost two weeks since this mess started, so chances are, they’ve already gone down that road. I mean, we did make a stop in New York.
The Fightins‘ meechone brings up a name I haven’t had in my brain since last I glanced at a “Meet the ’98 Phillies!” stadium program.
Okay, good point, xJKRCx. You may the last optimist left in Phillies nation. The rest of us will be staring hopelessly at the “2008″ banner still hanging on the wall before using it to smother our Roommates to death.
Me too, PhilliesDoll, that’s why I’m stalling before I write this next post.
Oh, wow. So there’s psycho fans for other teams in this division, too.

(more…)