That Balls Outta Here » bench

Ross Gload Concerned as Phillies Acquire Slow-Moving Bench Player

Justin Klugh — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 11:50:48 +0000

Ross Gload’s job security came into question yesterday when the Phillies signed a somewhat younger guy whose functions include playing first base and outfield, hitting left-handed, and moving around with the agility of an outdated kitchen appliance.

28-year-old John Bowker, who has performed these tasks for the Giants and Pirates in the past, will serve as the likely replacement for Gload, whose base running has been accompanied by a haunting, mechanical sound that opposing infielders have described as “…just awful; like a bag screws in a dryer.” (more…)

With 600 Home Runs, Thome Now Worthy of Being a Phillie Again

Justin Klugh — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 17:00:40 +0000

Some buzz is starting to be heard that the Phillies could make a play for none other than Jim Thome, who recently hit his 600th home run.

–This Seattle Times article about Jim Thome that has a picture of Lyle Overbay attached to it.

Well it’s about time we had some wild fantasy to bury our heads in. With the horrific trauma of the past weekend behind us, we can now focus on delusional waiver deadline deals to distract ourselves from the maiming of Jimmy Rollins and all the other meaningless crap in our lives, like work and kids. It is time now to turn our attention to the things that matter, like Jim Thome once again wearing a Phillies jersey or staring out our office windows, dreaming of getting in the car and abandoning our kids forever. (more…)

Phillies Off Season to be Rich in “Werth/Worth” Puns

Justin Klugh — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 07:47:36 +0000

“Over the next 48 hours or so, we’ll make contact,” Ruben Amaro said, not reaching out to a strange alien spacecraft hovering over the White House like he sounded.

(more…)