Bloodstained, antique blades in their hands, a quiet moment of awkward realization passed between them before a savage display of gutteral violence exploded, splattering guts and splintering bones as woodland creatures flee for their lives, sobbing for a time when these woods were a peaceful place.

This is what baseball is all about.

They blew through the first five innings in the time it took for me to turn on the TV and blink.

Then, some of the FOX producers radioed down to the dugouts to let them know there was a host of Taco Bell ads left to play, and if they wanted to have an All-Star game next year, they better tell the pitchers to throw to first and the batters to step out of the box and Tim McCarver to do that thing where words come out of his mouth but all anybody hears is wrongly-ordered stories about nothing.

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