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Soundly-Defeated Phillies Pitchers Gallery

The Phillies have many pitchers; but at the moment, they have very many pitchers who are not pitching for them. Recently, other team’s offense-supporter Kyle Kendrick joined the expanding society of Phillies who are Out for the Season. And what a season it was!

Peruse, then, this catalog of Phillies pitchers who are no longer with us for the extent of the 2013 season.

Kyle Kendrick

The Problem: Shoulder discomfort

The Solution: MRI; all the ice cream he can eat

 

Adam Morgan

The Problem: “lingering shoulder issues”

The Solution: Whatever the opposite of rotator-cuff surgery is

 

Jonathan Pettibone

The Problem:  Right rotator-cuff inflammation

The Solution:  Not playing for the Phillies for the rest of 2013.

 

John Lannan

The Problem:  60% tear of right knee tendon

The Solution:  Surgery; out for season; thorough eyebrow-trimming.

 

Roy Halladay

The Problem: Acute criticism-sting

The Solution: STFU, critics

 

Mike Adams

The Problem: Three different tears in his rotator-cuff

The Solution:  Bacta tank

 

Antonio Bastardo

The Problem: Biogenesis

The Solution:  I’m sure Bud Selig’s got something good cooking.

Topics: Kyle Kendrick, Philadelphia Phillies

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