The Phillies have many pitchers; but at the moment, they have very many pitchers who are not pitching for them. Recently, other team’s offense-supporter Kyle Kendrick joined the expanding society of Phillies who are Out for the Season. And what a season it was!
Peruse, then, this catalog of Phillies pitchers who are no longer with us for the extent of the 2013 season.
The Problem: Shoulder discomfort
The Solution: MRI; all the ice cream he can eat
The Problem: “lingering shoulder issues”
The Solution: Whatever the opposite of rotator-cuff surgery is
The Problem: Right rotator-cuff inflammation
The Solution: Not playing for the Phillies for the rest of 2013.
The Problem: 60% tear of right knee tendon
The Solution: Surgery; out for season; thorough eyebrow-trimming.
The Problem: Acute criticism-sting
The Solution: STFU, critics
The Problem: Three different tears in his rotator-cuff
The Solution: Bacta tank
The Problem: Biogenesis
The Solution: I’m sure Bud Selig’s got something good cooking.