Oh yeah, before anything else happened tonight, John McDonald was traded to the Red Sox.
The Red Sox gave the Phillies some functioning organs named Nefi Ogando.
John McDonaldson was a human man who played for the Phillies since he showed up in the clubhouse one day and everyone thought he was somebody’s lost dad. He was given a uniform and wore it to play baseball for the Philadelphia Phillies. Once, he hit a home run when the Phillies were already up by like nine runs. He also struck out Tuffy Gosewisch just in time to prevent the Diamondbacks from scoring more than five runs in an 18-inning game.
Seriously though, John McDonald also had a locker. According to this picture I found, he’s reached at least third base. He already has the lowest batting average on the team by 57 points.
He was third to last on the Phillies.
He was hitting .098.