Aug 14, 2013; Los Angeles, CA, USA; Los Angeles Dodgers first baseman Adrian Gonzalez (23) hangs on to Fox reporter Mark Rogondino as shortstop Hanley Ramirez (13) and right fielder Yasiel Puig (66) dumps coolers on them after winning in the twelfth inning against the New York Mets at Dodger Stadium. Dodgers won 5-4. Mandatory Credit: Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Sports

White Hot Dodgers to Take on Cold, Limp Phillies

Have you heard about these Dodgers?  They fly around the country, forcing teams to play them until they win.

It’s messed up, and sort spits in the integrity of the game, which I think we can all agree is on wide display at the moment.  So these Dodgers parade around with their sexy young players and their impromptu team meetings scheduled around home plate, making people feel bad about themselves, and now they’re headed for Philadelphia.

Actually, they’re already here, as I experienced yesterday.

The Dodgers are so hot, they haven’t lost a game in three months.  Meanwhile, the Phillies are 5-22 in the second half.  That’s not a date in May.  That’s the Phillies’ record since the All-Star Break.  So why don’t we break down this series.

Aug 14, 2013; Atlanta, GA, USA; Philadelphia Phillies third baseman Cody Asche (25) and second baseman Chase Utley (26) watch the rain fall during a rain delay prior to the game against the Atlanta Braves at Turner Field. Mandatory Credit: Dale Zanine-USA TODAY Sports

Best player

Yasiel Puig: Does everything right

Chase Utley: Does everything right, despite being surrounded by Phillies

Advantage:  Phillies

Latest acquisition

Brian Wilson:  Has personality and hair of man who cannot live without constant attention

Casper Wells:  Inconspicuous hair, personality, talent

Advantage:  Phillies

Right fielder

Dodgers:  Yasiel Puig

Phillies:  No longer Delmon Young

Advantage:  Phillies

Direction of franchise

Dodgers:  Nowhere to go but down

Phillies:  Nowhere to go

Advantage:  Nowhere

Playoff chances

Dodgers:  Can only be feel-good story or massive disappointment/fuel for feel-good story in future

Phillies:  Can only be feel-bad story, getting feel-worse

Jul 24, 2013; Toronto, Ontario, CAN; Los Angeles Dodgers third baseman Juan Uribe (5) makes a throwing error to first base in the ninth inning on a hit by Toronto Blue Jays catcher J.P. Arencibia (not pictured) at the Rogers Centre. Los Angeles defeated Toronto 8-3 in ten innings. Mandatory Credit: John E. Sokolowski-USA TODAY Sports

Number of players victimized by hidden ball trick

Dodgers: 1 (100% of league total)

Phillies: 0

Advantage:  Rays

Number of players who are Michael Martinez

Dodgers:  0

Phillies:  League limit

Advantage:  Michael Martinez

Huh, how about that.  The Phillies have the advantage in all the major categories.  Maybe this series is going to be pretty good, as long as we focus on twisting horrible truths into smarmy jokes.

Tags: Los Angeles Dodgers Philadelphia Phillies

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