Phillies Unleash First Salvo of Real, Fake Roster Moves

April 27, 2012; Miami, FL, USA; Miami Marlins starting pitcher Carlos Zambrano (38) during the fifth inning against the Arizona Diamondbacks at Marlins Park. Mandatory Credit: Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports

Yesterday, the Phillies released Carlos Zambrano from whatever he was doing in Lehigh Valley.  Last we heard on the fellow, he’d had some kind of elbow thing and left a game early for a DL stint, putting to bed the theory that he’d be using the Phillies rotation as part of his audition tape for work in 2014.

As an IronPig, Carlos made four starts, averaging less than five innings each time; though to be fair, he left his last game abysmally early because of that thing with his elbow I was just talking about.  He accumulated a bunch of stats in those starts, none of which matter, because he’s not going to play for the Phillies and we can finally forget he ever existed.

**huffs rag soaked in ether**

Aaaaaahaaahhhhhhhh sweeeeet release.

So he’s gone.  Whoever I was just talking about.  The memory is still lingering, like a… like the last rays of light on a sunset…….

**does it again**

Yeah.  But the real news wasn’t who isn’t on the team anymore – until it’s Chase Utley, a few hours from now – it was who may be joining the team!

That’s right, Chris Dickerson, that defensive center field option who can’t hit lefties! New faces are always fun.  Remember when the cameras followed Hunter Pence into the clubhouse on his first day in right?  And then they showed his name on the lineup card and everybody – Jarred Cosart fans and all – got a little excited because the new guy was here! Dickerson will not be like that.  Not because he doesn’t meet the high level of standards set by Hunter Pence, but because he isn’t actually joining the team.

So there you have it!  Several speed bumps in the night.  And Ruben Amaro just kept on driving.