Phillies are Best Team in NL East, Actual, Real Stats Indicate

In a stunning turn of events for the stumbling, third place Phillies, the team recently became the best team in their division.

First reported by Ken Rosenthal of FOX Sports, the Phillies 31-29 record since April 19 is apparently the best record in that time period of any time in the National League East; better than the sand blasting Atlanta Braves and the endlessly middling Washington Nationals.

**pulls cord, watches confetti drop as music plays**

Yes, we finally did it.  We won everything.

The Phillies’ newfound success comes amid injuries, failures, and incompetency on almost all fronts.  Cliff Lee trade rumors, Ruben Amaro denunciations of roster moves, and general fan disgust have all been for nothing.  If the Phillies can continue to play barely-there baseball, they will apparently be good enough to not face plant into a second Wild Card spot gasping for air like it was widely predicted (among those who saw them making the playoffs); they’ll just take the whole division, thank you very much.

Debilitating losses have been the order of the day of late, so the important thing to do with this information is not overreact, maintain the same level of casual drudgery, and assume that using any statistical baseball fluke, any player or team can look like the best.

In other news – suck it, NL East.

UPDATE: Also suck it, fact-checking.