Announcement Podcast Paroxysm talks NBA with SI.com's Lee Jenkins ×

Michael Young Returns to Dom Brown’s Clubhouse

Michael Young will return from bereavement leave tonight, and face a very different Phillies clubhouse.

May 28, 2013; Boston, MA USA; Philadelphia Phillies third baseman Michael Young (10) throws his bat after striking out during the ninth inning against the Boston Red Sox at Fenway Park. Mandatory Credit: Bob DeChiara-USA TODAY Sports

Domonic Brown now sits on a throne made out of Charlie Manuel and Rich Dubee, sipping from a goblet in between at-bats.  His record, “#mishandled,” is set to drop later this evening.  And Ryan Howard has been harvested for organs.

So, with Young returning, hopefully there’s some sort of stabilization or whatever restored to the infield.  But that’s probably not going to happen, seeing as how Chase Utley is nowhere to be seen, Young was in the middle of a terrific slump, and it’s not like “stability” is this team’s biggest issue.

One of its biggest issues, actually, is Michael Martinez, who has been packed up and shipped back to Lehigh until further notice to make room for Young on the roster.  If the Phillies had any smarts, they put each piece in a different box and send it to different remote locations.  But this is the team that mishandled Dom Brown.  I’m sure they lack the insight to label Mini Mart a cyborg designed to destroy baseball.

But yes, Michael Young will return, bringing with him all that good stuff he does.  Elsewhere, a horrified IronPigs employee opens a box. Mini Mart’s eyes pop open with a mechanical hiss.

He is awake.

Topics: Michael Young, Philadelphia Phillies

Want more from That Balls Outta Here?  
Subscribe to FanSided Daily for your morning fix. Enter your email and stay in the know.
  • Mike Sankey

    Should have gone with this: Look! It’s moving. It’s sha — it’s… it’s alive. It’s alive… It’s alive, it’s moving, it’s alive! It’s alive, it’s alive, it’s alive! It’s ALIVE! (only substitute the madman-esque speech with panicked)