Phillies Target Ignorant Foreigners as Next Generation of Phillies Fans

When was your first Phillies game?

Those of us from my generation have fond memories, forging eternal memories or pits of despair along with the likes Calvin Maduro, Rico Brogna, and Todd Zeille.

I remember boiling in the sun as Joe Carter broke some sort of personal hit record.  And then we stood up and clapped.  That happened I think.  That’s just what it was like back then.  Also we all had Rubiks Cubes.  Those of us who couldn’t afford beanie babies.

May 19, 2013; Philadelphia, PA, USA; Philadelphia Phillies shortstop Jimmy Rollins (11) greets a young fan before the game against the Cincinnati Reds at Citizens Bank Park. Mandatory Credit: Eric Hartline-USA TODAY Sports

The point is, we can all sit here and smile wisftully about the first time we saw Mike Lieberthal take a foul off the jaw.  But based on the Phillies’ more contemporary performances, the team is under the assumption that they only have one or two more blown Hamels starts or Halladay headlines before wrapping ourselves in memories of Kevin Jordan and Kevin Sefcik no longer suffices.

So they’re in the middle of picking out who will inevitably take our places.

Yes, it seems our faith in the Phillies is about as strong as theirs in us.  At this point, they’re figuring that unless they start tricking tourists into populating Citizens Bank Park, they’re going to have to convince people that they’re fielding an actual baseball team and we know that’s not what they’re going to look like for the next few years.

So get ready for the next generation of Phillies fans, asking who that is, where the pitch speed monitor is, why the beer is so expensive, who invented baseball, and why is the team so horrible, where their hotel is, where the airport is, and have you ever been to Denver it’s a great beer town.