Chooch Contused on Hand by Awful Shane Victorino Mojo

We all remember Shane Victorino, and we all miss him.  Most of him.

Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

But we all know of Shane’s twitchy swagger when he was on a role.  It got everywhere.  It threw everything off balance.  While he succeeded in fiery bursts, it would make a mess out of everything else.  It was if the universe found a Shane Victorino hitting streak utterly repulsive.

So, when Shane’s Hawaiian thunder came roaring out tonight in the form of a bases-clearing triple off a beleaguered Michael Stutes, it made everything suck in the proximity.  He went off like a hand grenade and the Sox had a five run lead before you could grab the thing you spray water on your cat with to calm him down.

Before he even got his hit, Stutes was mowing down Boston hitters, logging two quick outs before Victorino screamed up to the plate.  He would have had a third, too, but then he “walked” two people, his whole “Well maybe if I walk this guy it’ll cancel out walking that other guy” theory utterly destroyed.

Shane pounced, and it sent negative shockwaves through the air.  The next thing you knew, Carlos Ruiz was getting hit on the hand by an up and in stinger in the 9th.

So, you know.

Thanks Shane.