Ruben Amaro Finds A New Definition For “Trade”

Mandatory Credit: Howard Smith-USA TODAY Sports

Webster’s Dictionary defines “trade” as “an exchange of property usually without use of money.”

Put simply, one party has an item a second and/or third party would like to acquire. The second or third party will offer up some item or items in exchange for the item desired from the first party. After a series of negotiations, the terms are agreed to and the items in question are exchanged.

High school social studies (and the Bible) taught us that “trade” has existed since the most ancient days of human civilization. For thousands of years, people have traded goods and services with one another, with each side both giving and receiving something in return.

Before there was currency, there was trade, and it worked out pretty well for everyone.

Now, in the year of our Lord, 2013, Ruben Amaro Jr. has discovered a new meaning for the word “trade.”

Yes, you read that right. Ruben Amaro Jr. has traded a professional baseball player named Mike Cisco (raise your hand if you’ve ever heard of this guy) in exchange for nothing.

NOTHING.

Now, Amaro has been the general manager of the Phillies for quite some time now. This is his fifth year as the GM of the franchise, and in that time, he’s pulled off some whoppers.

He has acquired ace pitchers, big-time hitters, and smaller players who don’t necessarily move the needle all that much.

Amaro has lots of experience making trades, some good, some bad.

But never before has Amaro, or any other general manager in baseball, traded a commodity, even one as seemingly useless as Mike Cisco, for NOTHING in return.

Apparently, Amaro has so perfected the art of the trade that he no longer needs to receive anything in return in order for a transaction like this to be termed a “trade.” His Phillies are so good, they’re just giving away players for no compensation.

THAT’S HOW AWESOME THEY ARE.

“Hey Ruben, don’t you at least want a box of baseballs, or a 40-pack of Tom Emanski training videos, or even some spare pine tar that’s been sitting in our spring training tool shed for the last 10 years? Can’t we at least give you SOMETHING?”

Apparently, Amaro is so confident that his organization has all the players they’re ever going to need, nothing received in return would be of any value. They’ve reached the point where “trading” away players for nothing in return is the new standard procedure.

Maybe Ruben has the right idea here. I mean, heck, his new “trading” system sure is a whole lot less stressful, time consuming and laborious. Why make all those phone calls and be stressed out all the time, when you can just “trade” a player away for nothing? This is, like, SO much easier!

So, kudos Ruben. You continue to redefine the general manager position in Major League Baseball.

Now, if only we could “trade” Yuni Betancourt or Delmon Young for nothing at all. THAT may actually be worth doing.