Phillies Tickets Not as Valuable When Team Employs Delmon Young, Sources Say

Last week, we all had a great laugh at the Marlins’ expense via a well-written article on Pattison Ave.

You see, their lack of money or a team and general horribleness has led to a failed interest in baseball in South Florida, which leads to a meager line for regular season tickets.  And some of those people were there because they saw themselves in the reflection of the ticket window and thought they were trapped in a cage.

Howard Smith-USA TODAY Sports

But that laughter was returned to use this week, which is to say there was no laughter, because we in Philadelphia don’t see what’s so funny about ourselves.

Which is exactly what has happened.  The line for Phillies regular season tickets was also not very long, especially when compared to all the job-leaving, school-skipping, tailgating, and day-drinking that occurred last year at this time.  Not that it takes much for us to start day-drinking.

Look, a line!  **Sound of a beer bottle being opened, then drank, then smashed on the ground, then the shards being used to threaten somebody for being different.**

The obvious answer is that the Phillies were one of those normal .500 teams that have never happened in this town.  We’ve had good teams, and we’ve had bad teams, but middling out is the most despicable act you can commit in baseball.  We don’t even register on the top 10 or the bottom 10.  THERE’S BARELY A REASON TO EVEN EXIST.

Which leads to things like a nine-person line to pay astronomical prices for a small slip of cardboard that will give you access to a team that may not actually be very good, again.

But that doesn’t mean the team will be bad!  It just means people are a bit more reluctant to suffer for them.  It does not take much to sway the masses.  Look at me; Ryan Howard kept a smile on his face throughout his whole press conference and I just bet $14,000 that he’ll win the NL MVP.

Lines will not be the biggest problem for the Phillies in 2013.  And now we can start hoping that.