Phast Phive: Hall of Phamers

In which TBOH’s writers assign the week’s required reading.

John Stolnis

Joy R. Absalon-USA TODAY Sports

Hi. I’m Chris Carpenter. You may remember me from such nightmares as Game 5 of the 2011 NLDS. Yes, I outdueled your uber-stud Roy Halladay in a 1-0 victory that sent us to the NLCS against the Milwaukee Brewers, in route to the world championship that should rightfully have been yours. Well, I just wanted to let you all know that I’m not going to be coming around anymore. Yeah, I know I almost killed all of you a couple years ago, and it was actually kind of fun to do. Sadly, I probably won’t get the opportunity to haunt your dreams ever again. But, we’ll always have 2011.

Love,

C. Carpenter

P.S. Tell Roy I said hi.

The Phillies have been spending a lot of money recently, about $170 million a year the last couple of years. Sure, a lot of that money has gone to things like an unnecessary Ryan Howard extension and exceedingly long deals to closer Jonathan Papelbon, but having money is always a good thing. And with the team’s contract with Comcast SportsNet up in 2015, the franchise is all set to score a HUGE payday, similar to the billion dollar deal the Los Angeles Dodgers recently scored. Of course, the big question is, will it simply be more money for Amaro to waste?

Even though the Phillies have signed future Hall-of-Famer Delmon Young to be their primary right-fielder, there is still a chance Domonic Brown could see the field on occassion in 2013. In fact, he could end up being the everyday left fielder if he plays well enough in Spring Training. And while Brown has not lived up to his billing as the former #4 prospect in all of baseball, a closer look at his numbers reveal he is still a productive player.

And with Carlos Ruiz missing the first 25 games of the season for illegally using ADD drug Adderall, Erik Kratz assumes the starting role on Opening Day. And while he had a very solid season in 2012 as Ruiz’ back-up, the spotlight will be on him more at the start of ’13. Good thing he’s a very good catcher. Otherwise, we might have to give ‘ol Todd Pratt a call and see what he’s up to.

Ethan Seidel

David Murphy of the Daily News posted this friendly spreadsheet of the Phillies lineup over the past 5 seasons. Each opening day starter is listed next to their salary, but what stands at most is at the bottom. He may drive you crazy but Jimmy Rollins has been a bargain every season! J-Roll made over $10 mil last year for the first time in his career. Say what you will about the guy, but the Phillies haven’t overpaid for him. 

It looks like Scott Boras has his latest victim. I don’t know how he does it, but it looks as though he has the Mets bidding against themselves for Michael Bourn. The former Phillie has been the victim of Boras’ negotiating tactics this off-season, but he may finally have found a home. Well played Mr. Boras.

Justin Klugh

I was yelling about baseball during the Flyers game last night, and I went from hysterical tears to wistful nostalgia about listening to games on the radio.  Without a cable bill, the radio may wind up being my best option for the Phillies this season.  Because other options are clearly unavailable.

So radio it is!  I can hear it now… Franzke and L.A. and jokes about drug use and how dumb teenagers are.  Remember that time L.A. tried to take his chair apart on the air?  Or when he yelled at the Phillies from the booth?  All of it captured through the pristine majesty of AM radio.

…

I actually don’t have a radio either.

To the alcohol depository!