Phillies Coerce 12 More Lost Souls into Contractual Baseball Obligations

The Phillies have open slots where baseball players are supposed to go, and took some action filling those slots yesterday, according to Zolecki.

The best news is that they are all guys you’e already seen play or heard of so we don’t have to do a “break down” or whatever, put each of their names in bold with their position and their stats and all that crap.

Darin Ruf

Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports

Yeah, you know, you’ve got a couple… a couple lefties in there.  Couple 2013 AFL grads.  Some Venezuelan Winter Ballers.  Raul Valdes.  Michael Stutes.  Guy named “Ender.”

So as you can see, contrary to popular belief, there are plenty of warm bodies to take up space on the Phillies’ roster.  Apparently they weren’t all totally on the team yet and so this is news.  Some of them are exciting young prospects, but as we only recently learned, the Phillies best prospect is almost the worst best prospect of all MLB team’s best prospects.

That’s some great writing.  Up there.  Above this.

This is not a fun list to look at.  Where are all those cool lists we used to get?  With like, all the good players we might get or the Vegas odds of us winning the World Series?  What happened to those?

**Sorts through mountain of paper work**

Boy this is a fire hazard.