Phillies Trap Ruben Amaro in Room with Tom McCarthy for like 20 Minutes

The Phillies told Ruben Amaro that there they had stumbled upon a nest of upper-tier prospects sleeping peacefully behind the radiator in the basement the other day.

“…not cool.” Howard Smith-USA TODAY Sports

But when he got there he realized that he’d been had–instead of trade bait, there was Tom McCarthy in a suit; instead of a radiator, there was a forced interrogation; instead of the basement, there was 3/4 of a cozy library setting, where they would be shooting a video for the Phillies web site.

Leaving several claw marks in the door, Ruben eventually gave in and sat down to combine some of his least favorite things in the world: Answering questions, answering questions about the Phillies, appearing on film (allowing his enemies to more accurately track his movements), and doing Tom McCarthy favors.

On the plus side, we the fans got to enjoy several highly anticipated, highly PR Department-approved responses to questions we’ve all been asking.

I walked by the old Inquirer building on Broad Street and saw a cover story on the window about Chase Utley’s Knees and Whether Or Not We Should Believe Him When He Says He’s Fine and didn’t realize until later that it wasn’t current.  I mean the fact that it was hanging in the window of an abandoned building certainly was a clue.  But in my defense, I was in the traditional grips of hysteria one feels after catching a glimpse of Chase Utley.

To be fair, Chase has been giving unsolicited health updates via email, which is so uncharacteristically informative we’re basically in the Utley family picture.

Ruben was a good sport, answering questions for over 17 minutes, and updating us on our favorite heroes:

"“[Chase] is feeling great, he’s feeling giddy.  He’s usually not as giddy as he is right now.Roy just got back from a big fishing trip, he’s been working out.  He also changed his routine a little bit.  He is throwing, probably should be off the mound in another week or so.  Rich Dubee, I just got off the home with him a little while ago, said he’s doing well.  Whether he’s going to be 2009-2010 Roy Halladay remains to be seen.Ryan Howard is getting closer and closer to 100%.  He came back maybe a little bit early from the infection.  He’s doing well, right after this season, he probably dropped about 10-15 lbs.  So we feel pretty good about these guys.”"

After that, the video flickers static for a while and then all you get is white noise for the last 15 and a half minutes.

Or maybe there isn’t! You’ll just have to watch.

There isn’t.