Holy Crap This Is The Best Video You Will See All Year

Mike Schmidt, Family Fued All-Star Mandatory Credit: Daniel Shirey-USA TODAY Sports

In lieu of a Cards on the Table this week, I thought I’d do something a little bit different, especially considering how much better the thing I have unearthed is as compared to a few pieces of cardboard digitally uploaded and pasted to a blog post.

As I do everyday at 4:45pm ET, I was strolling through the annals of Youtube, watching old episodes of The Family Fued from the 1980s, when I came across something so spectacular, so wonderful, so amazing, that I had to share it with the people.

(Actually, someone else found it and I just clicked on the link. But I think my previous story is more dramatic.)

Most readers of this blog are too young to actually remember the Phillies beating the Kansas City Royals in the 1980 World Series for their first ever world championship.

I mean, that was like, 65 years ago or something. Hang on, getting on the abacus… double-checking… yep, 65 years.

Anyway, the loss was certainly a crushing defeat for the Royals and the greatest achievement in the long, storied history of the Phils franchise, which had waited 96 years to celebrate their first championship.

But if you thought the good feelings over that victory was going to last long, clearly you were not a viewer of “Family Fued” during that time.

In a rematch between the two World Series teams, just months after the Phils’ big victory, the Royals got their revenge, schooling the ’80 Phils on the game show popularized by the letchy Richard Dawson, whose roving hands and puckered lips had to take the night off, unless Michael Jack was feeling particularly randy that night.

Guys, videos on the interweb simply don’t get any better than this…

I mean, what can you say about this treasured piece of video?

Playing for the Phils was Larry Bowa, Gary Maddox, Mike Schmidt, Del Unser and Dick Ruthven. For the Royals, Dan Quisenberry, Willie Wilson, John Watham, Dennis Leonard, and Paul Splittorf stepped up to the plate.

(Seriously Royals, you couldn’t find anyone better than Paul Splittorf to round out your team of five? No wonder you lost the Series).

What transpires over the next 22 minutes is sheer awesomeness.

First of all, you can see the palpable disappointment in Richard Dawson’s face as he realizes there aren’t any ladies to kiss on stage. I mean, this is the man’s bread and butter.

Apparently, the two teams played five games against each other for one entire week, with the Phillies crushing it in the first three contests. But in this one, Kansas City shocked the world.

The final score, 419-144.

David Brown, from Big League Stew, did a terrific job compiling the vital statistics from this monumental TV event, so I won’t steal anymore material from him.

But if you do one thing today, watch this video.

Seriously, stop what you’re doing, and watch it now.

Why are you still reading? Watch the video!