Scott Boras Says Everything A-OK with Phillies, So Just Relax Everyone

Explains “lucrative gray area” between “super agent” and “super villain”

If that’s not the face of believable friendship than I don’t even. Kirby Lee/Image of Sport-US PRESSWIRE

Domonic Brown is a lot of things.  Or actually, not enough things.

He’s certainly a thing.  And once upon a time, he was the thing.  I mean, he was Domonic Brown, he had powerful arms that threw runners out at third and hit home runs into that exploded into stars and spelled out “I AM GREAT” across the night sky.  A natural talent, a future super star, a legend in the making.

Scott Boras caught the scent and appeared in Dom’s bag one evening as he was taking out his cleats.  As is the case with anyone attracted by the promise of large sums of money, an instant trust was sparked between the two, and to this day Dom remains repped by Boras and his agency.  It’s one of the industry’s most legendary pairings, like Abbot and Costello, Trout and Harper, and Luke Scott and implied racism.

But Brown remains Boras’ sole client on the Phillies roster.  Why?  Over the years, the Phillies have not always shared Boras’ enthusiasm for ludicrous paydays.  In actuality, he’s served as more of a “harbinger of terror” than any sort of… positive… thing.  When Jayson Werth took him on in his free agent year, he made it clear he would be seeking out the highest bidder, for the highest amount they would pay him, while high.  He was Ryan Madson’s agent as well, when the Closer of the Future was replaced by the Closer of the Red Sox.

It wasn’t a total jip.  He was still the closer of the future.  Other teams have futures too.

Anyways, the Phillies reportedly “backed out” of a deal they’d arranged with Madson, and his agent, Boras, didn’t take it well.  Did he assure Madson they’d get a deal, no matter what it takes, then hang up the phone and dramatically hurl all of the things on his desk to the ground?  Probably.

Now, it’s 2012, and the Phillies need a center fielder.  Michael Bourn is one of the many names suggested, in one of the only facets of the game with a deep market.  But he is one of the top names, and because of that, he is obviously represented by Scott Boras.

"“I approach negotiations with all teams as I have a job to do for my clients.  I don’t bring emotion into it. My job is to find out what teams want to do and how they want to do it.”–Scott Boras"

So, you see?  Scott Boras is heading into this offseason with a perfectly approachable cold, villainous objectivity, leaning toward self-gain.  There’s no reason to think that he’s secretly plotting anything, even if he is technically “scorned” by the Phillies and has a huge ego and is standing over there in the corner with a friendly snarl on his face, quickly rotating a pair of steel balls in one hand.

At least he’s got only one way into the clubhouse.  And Dom Brown’s bag can’t seem too accommodating a second time.