NL East Infection: Point and Laugh, Everyone

Washington Nationals

[Excuses]

[Scorn]

[Inaccessibility]

[Blame]

[Finger-pointing]

[Censorship]

[Humiliation]

Chipper Jones is also laughing at the Nationals. Brad Penner-US PRESSWIRE

Atlanta Braves

It was a refreshingly justified end for Chipper Jones, as the Braves went down in their Wild Card elimination game amidst a hail of garbage.  GM Frank Wren called it “a harsh reality,” but the rest of us knew what it really was: incredibly satisfying.

This year marks the most amount of teams in the post season that I am actively rooting against–Nationals, Braves, Yankees, Giants, Cardinals (this one’s tough because they’re playing the Nationals)–but the Braves’ disappearance has the added bonus of Chipper Jones being gone forever, so that day was a good one.

Of course, had the controversial “infield fly” call been at a Phillies playoff elimination game, I am inconsolable right now.  So in a way there is a twinge of sympathy here.  And you always love, as an angry fan, being vindicated by one of the players.  Objective columnists weighing in to tell emotionally affected fans to shut up is pretty pompous and ignorant, given everything that was on the line and the frequent critique of Atlanta’s fanbase as detached and uncaring.

So as a Phillies fan, the Braves and Chipper are gone, which is nice, but also as a Phillies fan, I respect their newfound capacity for outwardly displayed frustration.  It’s not something you want to see, but it is something you want to feel.

I feel weird.

Miami Marlins

"“The Miami Marlins have this unique penchant for taking every visual representation of themselves and turning it into some awful amalgamation of clashing neon colors and disfigured shapes.”–Jordan Rabinowitz, Sports Grid"

Yes, the Marlins are creating visual images again, and yes, they are pretty awful, again.  This time, it isn’t a home run sculpture or baseball team, it’s a patch designed to celebrate the franchise’s 20th year.  So far, it’s the first major change the Fish have undergone.  Which is odd.

They have a whole offseason to fire or not fire Ozzie Guillen and then definitely not do anything involving players and think about all the money they used to have.  In the mean time, it makes sense for them to have an arts and crafts time in order to remind people that not only have their already been two decades of baseball in Miami, but they have two World Series titles.  Which you may remember is the same number of titles as another NL East team, only that one has existed for over 100 years.  So.

That’s depressing.

New York Mets

Man EVERYBODY’s having a laugh! Brad Penner-US PRESSWIRE

If you took radio call-in shows and internet comment sections as legitimate news feeds, you’d know by now that the Phillies had signed David Wright, solving their third base problems and for some reason convincing him to play for a totally affordable amount of money.

Shockingly enough, in reality, the Mets would like to hold onto their star player.  They’d also like to see Cy Young candidate R.A. Dickey stay in a Mets uniform for some reason.  It’s almost as if they want their good players to still be on the team and not trade them for nothing at all.

Wright’s rumored negotiations are set to begin at $100 million, and could begin before the World Series.  Dickey, meanwhile, will undergo surgery on his abdomen for a  strained muscle he’d pitched through for part of the season.  Well, why wouldn’t Dickey have an added source of stress and still be a frontrunner for “Best Pitcher in the League Award?”  The man is a human knuckleball.

There’s no telling when the Mets will be legitimate contenders again.  Probably not in 2013.  But anywhere they’re going to start would have to include Wright and Dickey, their two best players, and a deal to keep them both in Flushing for years to come would be an injection of enthusiasm for a crippled fanbase.

Unless they wanted to give up Wright for like a bat or something.  I mean, what’s so hard to understand about baseball negotiating?  The Phillies need a third base man, and Wright is a great one.  Let’s take him.

Easy.  Done.