Why, talking may be one of the only things he can still do. Chris Humphreys-US PRESSWIRE

Placido Polanco Makes Rare Appearance Outside of Disabled List Quarantine

The Phillies are pretty proud of Kevin Frandsen.  Probably because no one’s shown them his Twitter account.

But as far as his play at third base goes, the team couldn’t be happier, unless his OPS was a higher by a lot, and he made even more diving grabs, and everybody was losing their shit over him and his presence on the team began a new, better CBP sellout streak; one with actual sellouts.

Hey, we can’t get everything we want!  Or in some cases, anything we want.  The point is, Kevin’s doing fine, and I wish the Major/Minor League journeymen some stabilized play.  But if we could put an uninjured Placido Polanco out there, obviously we would do that.

“Where is Polanco, anyway?  The moon?  Geeze, I tell ya.”

–my father in frequent voicemails

Problem is, Polanco is older now, and more susceptible to injury, and therefore not as useful as he used to be because he’s hurt all the time.  Sure, that glove would have saved us some runs this year, but at the risk of shattering his spine?  No thanks!

Right now, Polly is safer in his containment area, where all the risks and dangers of being out in the world can’t get him.  Then, at the end of the year when his contract is up, we’ll talk.

But then, last Thursday, he shows up at the Bridgeton Invitational Baseball Tournament in New Jersey, and it’s like, what the hell man?  I don’t need to contact Chris Christie’s office to let you know that there are tons of ways to be decimated in New Jersey.  In a lot of ways, it’s the worst place an injury-prone, 36-year-old corner infielder could go.  Make that corner infielders of any age!  And health!  And they don’t even have to be corner infielders!

There he was, though; signing autographs, throwing out ceremonial first pitches, and getting some fresh air, like some kind of guy who needs to be let out of his injury-mandated quarantine just to stay sane.  I mean, whatever.  I guess we don’t want to come to him at the end of the year and find him with a huge grizzled beard and a fading grasp on his sanity.  He just better be careful out there.

UPDATE: Placido Polanco Leaves Game with Spinal Contusion After Ceremonial First Pitch

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