F*ck Yeah, Jimmy: Phils Humiliate Nationals 8-0 in Wake of Trades

Saddest tweet of the night goes to @teenagesleuth.

I went to work, thinking I was fine.  It wasn’t until after I snapped at three different people and started a small fire on my desk that I realized I may be a little more upset about Shane’s trade than I had considered.

But let’s save the Victorino sobfest for another post I’m going to write in ten minutes.  This one’s for the game, which was a bit of terrific.

Everybody had to be a bit emotional, or at least jarred, as the Phillies were beginning a game with two of their three outfielders on the wrong coast.  To make matters worse, they were playing the most astronomically self-congratulatory team in baseball.

But a few years ago, J-Roll had just done something spectacular, and as he hit fists on his way down the dugout steps, Shane Victorino, ignorant of a nearby audio recording device, stated how he felt:

“Fuck yeah, Jimmy.”

It was in that spirit that the Phillies entered post-trade deadline baseball.

Recently not-traded Phillies ace Cliff Lee took the mound and Cliff Lee’d the shit out of the Nationals, composing a seven-strike out, five-hit, no-run, seven-inning masterpiece–in which he singled in a run and scored another–when we really needed something fun to watch.

“There goes the no-hitter,” one of the Nationals broadcasters stated smarmily after 1 2/3 innings when Jesus Flores doubled.  Little did he know, as he and his partner went on to complain about the strikes called on Roger Bernadina, Cliff was just getting started.

Leads are nice, though, and Cliff got one, somehow.  Kevin Frandsen had a two-run knock in the second off Stephen Strasburg, who left the game after four innings of what a Nationals beat writer called “the worst start of his young career.”  The Nationals were a bit anxious about carrying Strasburg out of his cradle and letting him do what he is built for, and it turns out, they were right to be.  The phenom got torched early by six earned runs and had to exit the scene so ESPN could start making excuses for him as fast as possible.

The highlight of the night, however, was Jimmy Rollins’ inside-the-park home run off Henry Rodriguez, which left Washington as bruised and beaten as Bryce Harper after he threw himself into a wall on the play, humiliating himself.

When Jimmy returned to the dugout, his “Lil Hawaiian brother” wasn’t there to say something awesome and profane, and he probably never will be again.  But that doesn’t mean we can’t keep saying it.

Fuck yeah, Jimmy.

When It All Went Right

The Phils were already up 4-0 when Jimmy knocked in both Cliff Lee and himself, a fast-moving dagger in the heart of the nation.  It felt good.

Most Attractive Play

Juan Pierre stealing second and third on two consecutive Strasburg pitches, and scoring on a horrible throw from Jesus Flores.

Hero

Cliff Lee, for reminding us what this team can do when it… does things… correctly.  With no massive screw-ups or injuries.

Villain

Nobody on the Nationals was really very threatening tonight.  They just kind of… lied there and let Cliff Lee happen to them.  Let’s give it to Bryce Harper.  He seems like he wants it.