Game Day Six-Pack: “YOU MAKE ME SICK!”

The Pirates are having a year much like the Phillies, in that they find themselves in a foreign part of the standings due to a complete alteration to a recently established franchise persona.

What?  Whatever.  We caught Tom Smith from Rum Bunter as he was heading out to his kid’s playoff game, and he actually bothered to answer our questions.  See my answers to his blistering inquiries here.

Tom and I have a lengthy history filled with rants, insults, meanness, and forced, spineless apologies.  Will that continue in 2012?  I think I speak for both of us when I say “Yes, shamefully.  In fact, it already has.”

I noticed the Pirates are hosting a blood drive. Is the secret to their success drinking the blood of the innocent? If so, which are the most notable Innocents’ Blood Depots in Pennsylvania? I know another baseball team that could benefit from such sorcery.

Bob Nutting the Pirates owner is a real innovator. He is consistently coming up with new and exciting ways to suck the blood from Pirates fans. I am in line now actually.

What archaic wizardry is behind the Pirates rise from joke of the NL Central to competitor for the coveted division flag?

Clint Hurdle sold his soul. AJ Burnett has a time machine. James McDonald is just good. So pitching and of course Andrew McCutchen would be the wizards making the magic happen.

The Pirates recently claimed Drew Sutton. What does this mean? Who is Drew Sutton? Who are the Pirates?

Who? What? They just stuck me. Sorry about that….

Everybody is always drooling over PNC Park, as if it is some kind of gorgeous landmark right on the water where a family can go enjoy a ballgame without me screaming at them until I almost choke to death on a popcorn kernel. So why did PNC lose out to Miller Park for baseball’s best stadium?

ohhh…Nutting gave me some stale Girl Scout cookies…I am back now.

PNC Park is a nice ballpark, but it needs some improvements made before I would want to claim it as the best ballyard in baseball. I haven’t been to Miller Park, but our podcast gurus have been and didn’t care for it. PNC Park is fun because of the fans. The bathrooms need work, the scoreboard is dated, but of course…it has that view…..oh what a view.

How has your opinion of A.J. Burnett changed since he went from being a weasley whiner playing for another team to a guy who fouled a bunt off his face to your ace starter?

He impresses me. What a difference he’s made for this team. Good luck against him.

How much will the return of Jeff Karstens help the Pirates? Do they need help? Do you think you’re beyond it or something? You think you’re so great. You make me sick.

Jeff Karstens rules. He won’t die. The Pirates pitching does need some help. Oh wait, you’re mad at me now…I make you sick??? DO you know how many of these stupid questions you have asked me over the years when your damn team was near first or in first place???!!!  [EDITOR’S NOTE:  Many.] YOU MAKE ME SICK!