After a week or so of dodging our phone calls or in some cases refusing to give us his phone number entirely, Vance Worley is saying something. And it’s not “Hey, have you seen my glasses,” like in that Xfinity commercial that makes you chortle with glee every time you see it.
First, it was reported Vance was tossing from 120 feet and hadn’t “felt anything,” which, unlike divorce, could end well for us. He reportedly did not feel his bone chip, but of course we all know that doesn’t mean it isn’t lurking. If anything, it’s more dangerous than ever. Thinking we don’t know it’s even there is the first step in its plan to climb into the brain and take control of the body.
Which was why, a day later, flags can be raised after reports of Vance feeling “rusty” after a bullpen session. That’s a solid indication that his bone chip is even more not gone forever than we realized.
Rich Dubee has volunteered Vance for assignment as early as Monday, which would be fun, because Roy Halladay just left the rotation and already we’re studying the slash lines of guys like Dave Bush and Scott Elarton. Who are not as good as Vance. And nowhere near as quirky.
Without Vance, the rotation loses double digits in quirkiness percentage, leaving Cliff Lee’s “Whatever” and Cole Hamels’ “She-Devil” personas to shoulder the load. Kyle Kendrick ‘s ”Lil Bruvver” and Joe Blanton’s “Honorably Discharged Mall Security Cop” bring almost nothing to the table. But Vance has glasses and a mohawk and “VANIMAL” written on his glove, so he actually leads the team in, uh. In quirk.
Needless to say, there’s a gaping Vance-hole in the rotation, and even though his theatrically entertaining rookie season is behind him, he has plenty of worth. Are the lies over? Are the bone chips finished for now, or merely moving into better position? Will Vance take his rightful place among his pitchign brethren or will he stray from the Phillies roster, not wanting to be a part of its hard-to-believe-at-times incompetence?
Obviously, he will rejoin the team when he is ready. Or when Rich Dubee tells him he will. But whether or not that will coincide perfectly with Halladay’s exit, we will have to see. In the mean time, we can find another professional athlete to advocate for the coolness of Rec-Specs or all of our work until now will have been for nothing.