This home run looked like to accounted for six runs. Howard Smith-US PRESSWIRE

Ian Desmond 2, Phillies 1


The Nationals beat the Phillies today. In lieu of actually attempting to provide a rational examination of the loss, I have instead decided that verbally assaulting members of the Nationals makes considerably more sense.  First, Gio Gonzalez may be good at throwing baseballs, but he can not fully close his mouth.  This is one of my biggest pet peeves.  When I had children, I only had a few hopes and dreams concerning my descendants.  I wanted them to have mouths that close and I did not want them to be assholes.  I am pretty sure that Gio Gonzalez can not close his mouth and based on his last two appearances against the Phillies, he is obviously an asshole.  Second, I do not like any of the players currently residing on the Washington roster.

If you are looking for positives, Kyle Kendrick is a good place to start.  In his second fill in start for the injured Vance Worley, Kendrick made it through seven innings and only gave up two runs.  If Kendrick gives up two runs, it is undoubtedly a shocking turn of events and the team damn well better score some runs.  They didn’t. 

This is the second time that former Phillie minor leaguer Gio Gonzalez has pitched really well against his old team.  Ian Desmond accounted for both of Washington’s runs with a home run and an RBI single.

Henry Rodriguez just about screwed it all up by his lonesome by not being able to throw the ball over the plate.  The Phillies scraped across a run to avoid the shutout.  This one was marred with bad at bats, bad base running and more futility with runners in scoring position.

And now, on to the insults.  Bryce Haper has a bad haircut.  Davey Johnson looks like the cryptkeeper.  Rick Ankiel is stupid.  Ryan Zimmerman can not throw the ball over the top.  They can all cram it.  2-1 loss for the Phillies.

Roy Halladay goes tomorrow and if they can’t get him a win, I will whine and cry like a little baby.

Tags: Featured Gio Gonzalez Ian Desmond Insults Kyle Kendrick Popular Posted