Cliff Lee Not Ready to Come Back Yet; Please Stop Calling

It’s Friday!  Well, it’s almost Friday.  Tuesday is the pregame show of Friday, I always say.  Which is probably why people keep firing me.

But, regardless of whether I’m hurriedly typing this on a former co-worker’s computer while security is summoned or not, it’s close enough to Friday for all of us to begin wondering about the things that were scheduled to happen on Friday.  For one random example, let’s just use Cliff Lee.

As you might recall, Cliff was hilariously demoted to the disabled list over a week ago, in what many have determined to be a “sick joke.”  Straining an oblique in the tenth inning of a ten inning shutout, Cliff was forced to sit in the dugout while Kyle Kendrick got his next start, and continued watching as KK gave up seven runs on 11 hits in three innings of “work.”  He continued to continue watching as Kyle started a second time, in a performance that all writers in the world called “solid” but was the official scorekeeper deemed “a loss.”

So, if you’ve ever seen Cliff Lee pitch, you were probably thinking, “Man, I’ll bet Cliff Lee would have pitched at least a little better than that, and used some of that awesome Cliff Lee Mojo to win the game.”

Sadly, you will have to think that at least one more time.  This Friday, when Cliff becomes eligible to exit the 15-day DL, he won’t.  Not being fully healed, it doesn’t make a lot of sense to put him in a position where he could re-hurt himself.  Sure, the Phillies may want to “Have their starting rotation intact” and “win more games,” but in the long run, do you want to be the one who killed Cliff Lee?  Say yes and you’re a traitor to Philadelphia.  Go ahead, say it.  There’s no one to blame for this and we’re aching for a scapegoat.

No?  Fine.  Sorry about this suddenly and inexplicably becoming accusatory but someone needs to be held accountable for this.  I mean we went out of our way to track down enough pitchforks for everybody in the mob.  It would be a shame for all this effort to go to waste.  Some of these are antiques.

Anyways, Cliff Lee is on the DL, and for the moment, he will continue to be.  Having logged zero of his two planned bullpen sessions, we don’t even know how ahead of schedule his body’s healing process is. So know for certain that we’ll get to watch Kyle Kendrick make another start, Cliff Lee watch another start, and an opposing team avoid another Cliff Lee start.

And then, when he’s better, we’ll be that much closer to everything being perfect again.

*Whistles*