Eric Hartline-US PRESSWIRE

Many Phillies Continue to be Hurt Pretty Badly


According to sources on Twitter all at the same exact time, Ryan Howard’s ‘baseball activities’ are to be kept to a minimum for another week, whilst Hunter Pence has an MRI on his shoulder.

Obviously, we need to classify this as good or bad news so that we know whether to scream and cry or clap sarcastically about it.  Well, if Ryan only has a week left before doing things he will need to do on a baseball field again, that’s good!  Of course, this means we are only a week away from finding out his achilles wound has become wildly gangrenous.  That’s bad.

Meanwhile, if Hunter Pence is getting an MRI, you know what that means:  The MRI machine still works!  So, the curse afflicting most of the Phillies effective and ineffective players has not reached as far as “machinery.”  Which is good news.

The bad news is that the results of Hunter’s MRI won’t be known until later.  And if you, as any fan would, went back and watched that footage of him diving into the wall in San Francisco and diving to the ground in San Diego for hours to see exactly the trajectory of his landing and which bones/muscles were most affected, then you know those MRI results are going to vindicate your night’s worth of research.

“Come out with us!” your friends yelled through your boarded up windows.  “Please don’t do this!  Your kids keep asking about you and we don’t feel comfortable enough with them to explain that you’ve locked yourself indoors and won’t move until you ‘…get to the bottom of this.’”

“Hunter needs me,” you grumbled.

“Uh huh,” they replied, somehow hearing you.  “What’s that noise?  Are… are you peeing into a jar?”

“This was I can go and still keep figuring this out.”

“…”

Why they even want to be friends with you is beyond me, but the point is, things are happening with the injured Phillies.  Things.  Which means we can let that thin layer of optimism grow a bit fatter while we watch the uninjured Phillies play as if they are, in fact, terribly injured.

Yes, we are the point in this season where we can be happy that injuries are not as bad as they once were, and that machines have not been inspired by some unseen force to turn against us.

Hooray!

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Tags: Hunter Pence Ryan Howard