Brad Lidge Laughs Maniacally at Phillies’ Poor Start

"“Brad Lidge laughed when told by a reporter that the fans in Philadelphia are already worried about the Phillies after their 1-3 start.”—Marc Narducci, philly.com"

Hey, Brad, just because we’re spewing delusional paranoia from our detached version of reality doesn’t mean you can sit there and mock us.

I know it’s all good times in that baseball mecca of Washinton, D.C., where they’ve never achieved anything but success on and off the baseball field, but we have a certain standard to live up to in Philadelphia.  And that standard is impossible to meet, which gives us the license to complain endlessly.  Do you not remember how this works?

Remember when you went 48/48 in saves?  Of course you do, it was the greatest year of your life.  I’ve visited the future and I can guarantee you, it’s only downhill from here.  In fact, I don’t want to spoil anything, but that fist fight you get into with Screech the Eagle pretty much ends your tenure in baseball.  I mean come on he’s part of an endangered species, let alone the mascot of America.  And you fought in the middle of the infield of our nation’s capital?  That seems so uncharacteristic of you that somebody probably just made it up to fill space on a blog post.

Anyways, remember that?  You were perfect, and we loved you.  Remember all the times after that?  When we all yelled at you and were so critical of your every move it bordered on ludicrous?  And then was ludicrous?  That was because you stopped being perfect.

"“If they get dethroned out of the NL East, it will probably be because [Chase] Utley and [Ryan] Howard weren’t able to come back as early or as effective as they were hoping.”–Brad Lidge"

“If” we get dethroned?  So you’re saying the Nationals won’t definitely dethrone us?  But didn’t you say that the 2012 Nationals were the best team you’ve ever been on?  And haven’t you been on a Phillies team that won the World Series?  And wouldn’t winning the division be the first, and possibly only, step in dethroning us?  Nah, I’m just messing with you.  Nobody believed that.  Not even you.

A lot of people say we’re “worried.”  But “worried” is such a delicate term, as if we’re all huddling around television sets and giving each other grim facial expressions.  I’d say “horrified” was more accurate, as if we’re all running around this city in full sprints, waving our arms in the air and screaming.  Then we all take a break to call sports radio shows.  Then it’s back to the screaming.

My point in all this is that we don’t need your patronizing confidence, Brad Lidge.  We just need you to go out there and be post-2008 Brad Lidge for the Nationals.

Other than that, you’re looking well.  We’re doing great, too.  As you’ve heard.  From me, just now.  Maybe we could grab lunch some time?  No?  Too busy?  Us too.  I actually shouldn’t have even offered.