Kim Klement-US PRESSWIRE

Everything Continues to be Fine as Chad Qualls Goes Down


So I accidentally typed “Chase” into the headline just now, and I gotta tell you, it did not feel good.  Like seeing a ghost in your bathroom mirror and finding out it can’t play second base for you for a long time.  Not that it could be really effective because the ball would go right through him.  Which is what seemed to happen to the Phillies bullpen this weekend.

But that’s okay, because very soon, there may not be a bullpen.  If the infield has been any indication, it’s that any facet of this team can be systematically destroyed, one by one.  So now, since Chad Qualls has experienced three games as a Phillie, naturally it’s time for him to suffer for it.

What’s wrong with him, you ask?  Why it seems as though a phantom blade from the netherworld has materialized and begun thrusting itself into his heel.

“It kind of felt like a knife was going in the back of my heel.”

–Chad Quails

Yikes!  That is haunting and gross.

Swearing that he could have pitched, but that management is just being super cautious with him, Chad seems optimistic that this is by no means the Worst Thing That Ever Happened.  I’m sure we’re still intimidating to other teams, even though as soon as they feel pain, our players are rushed off to the cryogenic chamber to be frozen and medicated with the latest remedies science has to offer.

So, perhaps maybe we don’t appear very youthful and spry, but at least our extreme precautions are keeping our maladies identifiable and fixed.

“I really don’t know what it is.”

–Chad Qualls

Oh boy!  That’s a tad worrisome.  But whose worried about anything these days?

Oh, right.  Everyone.  About everything.

Next Phillies Game View full schedule »
Saturday, Aug 3030 Aug7:10at New York MetsBuy Tickets

Tags: Chad Qualls