Jimmy Rollins Confirms Worst Fears of the Cynical and Depressed

Howard Smith-US PRESSWIRE

The Phillies recently got together for”Team Movie Night,” an evening reserved for frivolity and making fun of the size of Joe Blanton’s popcorn tub.  It’s not all popcorn, you guys.  He also keeps his Buncha Crunch in there so shut up.

Unfortunately, Kyle Kendrick’s copy of Despicable Me was accidentally switched out for Requiem for a Dream, and what supposed to be a night of hilarious fart gags turned into an unhilarious night of devastating self-destruction and misery.

This is one theory for the bleak outlook the Phillies have had for the past week.  Roy Halladay’s recent underwhelming of Ken Rosenthal is surely a result of viewing Aronofsky’s gut-poisoning drama, but even more indicative of the mindset is Jimmy Rollins, who stated that he wouldn’t be surprised if Ryan Howard didn’t play in 2012 at all.

“I don’t know what to think, honestly.  If you ask me, with this infection, I don’t know if he’s going to play this year, because after all the work that he’s done, now he’s got to hit the reset button.”

–Jimmy Rollins on Ryan Howard

Well, we know Thome can cover first base five times a month.  So that’s good.  Unfortunately, after some quick calculations, I’ve discovered that there are more than five games in a month and more than one month in a season.  Like, way more.  So many that five games really isn’t enough of a significant number to even make that offer out loud.

Jimmy went on to say that he wouldn’t expect Ryan back until at least the All-Star break.  Which is a bit startling, given the progress Ryan has made, despite the infection.  But what’s important is that the precursor to all of his brash, crippling words is ‘I don’t know what to think.’

People do rash things when they don’t know what to think.  Like when you’re trying to decipher a cryptic email from your boss, or choosing trying to figure out which guy is actually your father and which one is the evil cyborg from the future built to look exactly like him.

Point is, should you kill them both?  Well, it depends on how dangerous the cyborg is.  If he’s left a line of bodies in his wake, I don’t know if you can risk his escape.

But more importantly, why would Jimmy say this if it directly contradicts what the Phillies are saying?  Jimmy is vocal and apparently doesn’t know what to think, so we can’t be surprised if this kind of stuff comes out of his mouth.  And have you ever seen Requiem?  That shit will mess up your afternoon.

Topics: Jimmy Rollins

Want more from That Balls Outta Here?  
Subscribe to FanSided Daily for your morning fix. Enter your email and stay in the know.