Medical Science is Ruining Everything

Gentleman, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world's first bionic man. Ryan Howard will be that man. Better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster.

As soon as it was revealed that a significant portion of Ryan Howard’s leg had exploded during the final game of last year’s baseball season, I have assumed that he would be back for opening day.  There are some that would call me an optimist, there are others that would call me completely ignorant to the manner in which medical procedures heal and there are still others that call me a jerk.  Even with all the people rationally telling me to dial back my expectations for the big guy, I held fast to my exceedingly irrational notion that Howard would be back without any ill effects from an area of his body rupturing.

Everyone keeps saying how well Howard is progressing as he jogs, does interviews and takes ground balls.  He even took batting practice and hit a few homers!  Remember the Ryan Howard that hit lots of home runs!  This is the same guy, only with a body part that was replaced with what can only be assumed to be a type of cybernetic replica designed to improve his operation.  My delusions were substantiated.

Now he has a seroma.  Not only have my dreams been violently crushed, but they have been crushed by something I have never heard of before.  Wikipedia calls it “a pocket of clear serous fluid that sometimes develops in the body after surgery.  When small blood vessels are ruptured, blood plasma can seep out; inflammation caused by dying injured cells also contributes to the fluid.”  Essentially the area where doctors just cut out a piece of Ryan Howard is doing things that not even Wikipedia can help me to understand.

Team trainer Scott Sheridan seems to be telling me to manage my expectations and letting us all know that Achilles tendons are notoriously slow healers.  None of this makes me feel better.  I previously had a prediction of 45 home runs for Howard, I have now dialed back my expectations to 44.

It does not bode well for my sanity that I have come to the realization that part of Ryan Howard is robotic and he will heal faster than humanly possible.  That coupled with the fact that I have decided that Howard’s home run total will climb as he deals with a serious injury and will probably miss significant time makes me think it might be time for baseball to start before I slip further into psychosis.  All I wish is that medical science would not need to inform me of things that are wrong with baseball players that play for the Phillies, especially players that hit a lot of homers.

Topics: Insane Ramblings, Ryan Howard, Seroma

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