US Presswire-Mark J. Rebilas

Phast Phive: How About that Brian Schneider?

Justin Klugh

People don’t talk a whole lot about Brian Schneider, because he’s a background guy without much flash.  He’s just one of those totally normal backup catchers who doesn’t quite have the voice you’d think he would and occasionally causes impromptu war drums to break out.

The Good Phight just wrote more than anyone has ever written about Brian in one post, and they sure love him.  In fact, the post contains this.

“As you can see, Brian Schneider is a 31 WAR player! That’s the best season any player has ever had!”

See, the Rays have the right idea.  They combined cats from the internet with real life baseball and the result was a new mascot.  A cybernetic tentacle has reached out and made a part of itself exist in the meat space.  Which would  be horrifying if it weren’t so adorable!

Tony DiStefano

I need more pictures of Ryan Howard doing things…. important things, like taking ground balls and jogging.

I have a quick story to accompany this.  I used to work for a landscaping company that did work for Charlie Wagner, aReading based baseball scout for the Red Sox at the time they acquired Manny Ramirez.  He regaled us with stories about going to dinner with Manny’s mom and how nice of a guy that Ramirez was.  Charlie was a super-nice guy and probably didn’t have a bad word to say about anyone.  This sort of makes me wonder what he would say about Manny currently.

John Ricco

Over at Zoo With Roy, Ryan Petzar (or petzrawr or Pet Razor or whatever you know him as) presents his level of hype regarding spring training, aptly titled “Petzrawr’s Spring Training Hype-Ometer.” Typical ZWR hilarity ensues.

While it’s not exactly from the last week, this is the end-all be-all Phillies prospect list for 2012. James has put together a phenomenal list of what he believes are the top 30 prospects in the Phillies organization. It has statistics, in-depth scouting reports, and links to videos for each player. And most interesting of all, Trevor May isn’t ranked first.

John Stolnis

Spring Training is finally here. And while I love the fact that baseball is starting to get back into the swing of things, I think it’s still a little too early to claim “baseball is back!” Really, all these guys are doing is stretching, doing laps, doing some light hitting, and getting their mouths re-accustomed to the electric feel of chewing tobacco and early-onset mouth cancer.

Of course, the big story in Phillies camp is the Cole Hamels extension, which was amply covered by the New York Times (please try to ignore their liberal bias) and by Ken Rosenthal of Fox Sports (please try to ignore his height). David Hale of Delaware Online wonders what a Hamels extension will mean for Shane Victorino in 2013 (here’s a hint, there’s NO WAY both players are Phils next year).

For all the great trades that Ruben Amaro had made, he sure has made a bunch of lousy free agent deals. However, some of the minor league contracts he agreed to this offseason were very smart. MLB Trade Rumors broke down the top 10 minor league deals of the offseason, with two of Amaro’s deals ranking 2nd and 3rd.

Making fun of the Mets has become a hobby for everyone. I mean, when Mr. Met is the face of the franchise, you know the Metropolitans are in for a long, long, long season. And it certainly doesn’t help when one of your starting pitchers admits to getting a nose job over the winter. Frankly, it isn’t an improvement.

Finally, Cubs fans have a really exciting summer ahead of them. A last-place team, no real stars, and a wonderful historic relic of a stadium that is about three months away from being chewed through by termites. But fear not Cub Nation! New manager Dale Sveum is going to make the bunt sexy again! I’d pay $200 American dollars to watch Alfonso Soriano try to bunt for 10 minutes. I might pee myself.

Ethan Seidel

Two Phillies wound up on Tim Dierkes 10 Best Minor League Deals of the Offseason. Juan Pierre and Joel Piniero ranked 2nd and 3rd respectively just below Jeff Francis, who signed with the Reds. I love lists like this because minor league signings are a real catch 22. Everyone loves an underdog, but do we really want Joel Piniero starting for the Phillies?

Bobby Abreu wants out of LA, according to Enrique Rojas of ESPN Deportes Los Angeles. I don’t speak Spanish so I had to verify on Hardball talk, who is also reporting the news. I don’t know about you, but I can’t say that this news surprises me. Granted, the Angels DH/OF is pretty crowded, but Abreu has always been a me-first type of player. There is a reason the Phillies got better in 2007 after they traded him for a bag of balls. It always seemed like Bobby Abreu played like he was on his own fantasy team.

News Flash Bobby! Players of your age are supposed to hitch yourselves to a winner. Stop rocking the boat and enjoy the ride.

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