Phast Phive: George Brett’s Magic Beans

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John Stolnis decided to dig up memories of the 2000 Phillies this week, which is really mean when you consider how many hours of therapy it’s taken us to get over the disbandment of the Padilla Flotilla. Jimmy Rollins helped feed the nostalgia by giving us the above picture from 2000, featuring himself, Pat Burrell, and several others who apparently existed. Drink it in. Think of the glory in the year to come for two of the people in this photo.

Then move on down to the links.

Justin Klugh

Yes, the Phillies. But there are other teams in the NL East, unfortunately. You may have forgotten because of how badly they embarrass themselves on a regular basis; or you may have mistaken them for large assemblies of clowns gathering on the field at the exact same time as the Phillies. The Mets have their broken stadium. The Marlins have June 2011. The Mets have their Bernie Madoff scandal. The Nationals have their no winning records ever. The Mets have their stray dogs outside Citi Field. The Braves have the end of last season. Do the Mets even have any players anymore?

Anyways, based on what newspaper you’re reading, you’ll discover that anyone of those teams are ready to challenge the Phillies for dominance. This one thinks it will be the Braves. Why? I’m not sure. I didn’t read the whole thing. I think it has something to do with Jason Heyward bashing the hell out of the ball. Which apparently he used to do.

Am I crazy or does this website think the Phillies are an NBA team?

John Stolnis

94 WIP announced this week that they will now start carrying Phillies games, on FM for the first time. It’s been quite a metamorphasis for the mighty all-sports giant in the ‘Illadel. During all of 2000 and part of 2001, I worked as a producer at WIP, back when it was just a lowly AM station at 610 on the dial. My main shift was afternoon drive when Howard Eskin and Mike Missanelli were a “team.” I put “team” in parenthesis because these two demonstrated as much teamwork and camaraderie as the Israelis and Palestinians.

I remember many an afternoon screening calls and running commercials while simultaneously slicing the tension in the studio with a dull machete. I mention this oh-so-fun time of my life because one of the things that annoyed me to no end was WIP’s mandate to their hosts that they avoid talking about Phillies baseball. It was a shunned topic for discussion. The Program Director at the time felt that talking about the Phillies would drive listeners away. I guess it’s hard to argue with that philosophy, as the 2000 Phils went 65-97 and featured such stalwarts as Desi Relaford and Ron Gant amongst the everyday eight.

There is some potentially good news for Phillies fans. San Francisco Giants starter Matt Cain, who is in the last year of his deal with the team, recently put his house on the market… for a LOSS. Cain seems to be a motivated seller. What’s the matter, Matt? Contract talks not going well in the Bay area? Should Cole Hamels decide to leave in free agency (which in my opinion, it’s 70-30 he’s going to L.A.) Mr. Cain would HAVE to be back-up plan #1, no?

Not many of the Phils’ off-season moves were lauded in the blogosphere. Perhaps the only deal that was applauded was Amaro’s waiting game with Jimmy Rollins, ranked here as the 10th best move during the off-season. In a criminal miscarriage of justice, the Papelbon contract was nowhere to be found.

And unfortunately, former Kansas City Royals’ third baseman George Brett appears to be in some hot water. I guess that’s what you get for peddling snake oil in the form of magical beads aimed at improving athletic performance. You’ve all seen the commercials on TV, those people at the mall who fall over when pulled on by the host, only to stand up straight and firm once they’ve put on the “magic” bracelet. Of course, common sense dictates people would be able to avoid being pulled to the ground once they KNOW IT’S COMING and can BRACE for it. People who bought these magic beans deserved to fall off the beanstalk.

Tony DiStefano

It becomes readily apparent that the major league baseball season should start when I see things like “here is a picture of two players from the Phillies with their shirts off” and I can not click on it fast enough. Pitchers and catchers report February 18th….thank God.

Of course Bryce Harper is confident. I already hate this guy’s guts. I think the only thing that I am excited about concerning Harper is hearing what Larry Andersen has to say about him.

Ethan Seidel

Ever wonder what happened to So Taguchi? John Russo answers that and more in a look back at the 2008 Phillies. Its hard to believe that 2008 was four years ago, but the roster barely resembles the World Series winning club.

Believe it or not the Yankees are being thrifty in filling their vacant DH position. Joel Sherman of the New York Post is reporting they are allotting only 2 million to fill the void. Look’s like Raul Ibanez will be taking a big pay cut if he winds up in the big apple.

John Ricco

Jonathon Nisula takes a look at the hard data in order to figure out how the Phillies offense performs when the aces are on the mound.

In this podcast, Spike Eskin brings on guest Bill Baer of Crashburn Alley. Among other Phils-related topics, they talk about grading the offseason maneuvers and about Bill’s newly publish book, 100 Things Phillies Fans Should Know& Do Before They Die.