Yankees Interested in Raul Ibanez for Presumably Baseball Reasons

Oh, those crazy Yankees!  They sure are in need of things.  For instance, starting pitching, hitting, and a fanbase that isn’t a messily assembled mob of third generation tools.  But right now, they’ve chosen to focus on the hitting, and naturally, they turn to the Phillies, a team whose season ended in a humiliating 1-0 shut out.

So, who from our precious squad are they looking to seduce with Big Yankees Money?  Whose is the name they want chanted just after 2012’s most heroic moments?  It’s 25 letters long.  And most of the letters are U’s.

RAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUL.

Raul is one of those guys you thought was 40 for the last three years, but is actually a mere 39 years, 8 months, and five days old.  He’s also one of those guys you thought may retire in the middle of an at-bat.  Raul is capable of an electrically charged offensive streak.  He’s also very capable of dry spells of biblical proportions.  As he’s aged, he’s become even more susceptible to the latter.

Everybody loves Raul.  He is consistently voted one of the nicest guys in the game by his peers.  If he could some how funnel that niceness into a higher OBP, I’ll bet he would do that.  However, that thing I just suggested is stupid and impossible.  So, as much as I like Raul and wish there was a reason besides getting to shout “RAUUUUUUUL” to keep him around, if he is the Yankees’ big offensive get this offseason, the AL East should consider themselves blessed.

In the mean time, let us all recall our fondest Raul Ibanez memory.