I was never very good at collecting baseball cards. Apparently the object is to obtain cards containing players that are good at baseball hoping that said cards will accrue value over time and give the ability to sell them to buy drugs/booze in college. Until recently, I was still sticking cards in my bicycle spokes.
In addition, I was much more interested in random players with funny names than I was in people with actual talent. Here is an example of a type of card transaction that I would make. In 1985, Willie McGee won an MVP, a gold glove and lead the St. Louis Cardinals to a World Series Championship. In that same year one Dickie Thon hit .251 for the Houston Astros. This is a trade that I would have made in a second. Come on, the guy’s name on the card is Dickie fucking Thon!
Much to my delight, Mr. Thon became a member of the Phillies in 1989. His name is like a dick joke combined with sexy underwear. I am not sure if I can articulate how fantastic this combination was to a ten year old idiot from Reading Pennsylvania (it’s me everyone!). Thon offered the Phillies three years of slightly above replacement level play before breaking my heart and moving on to the Texas Rangers and finished his career as a Milwaukee Brewer.
I always thought that Thon was one of those random middle infielders that seemed to gravitate toward the Phillies organization in those days. Via the modern miracle that is wikipedia, I have come to realize that an eye injury resulting from a Mike Torrez fastball altered what many thought would be a hall fame career. Obviously his injury happened before the Phillies acquired his services.
In summation, I am stupid and the name Dickie Thon still makes me chuckle. That being said, I would totally swap a Thon card for a Dick Pole.