Dmitri Young performed a workout for the Phillies the other day, which of course means he put them in a chariot and pulled it around the warning track with his teeth.
All jokes aside, until the end of this sentence, Young apparently did quite well, noticeably having lost 75 pounds, putting him at a manageable 850. That’s mean. He wasn’t that big before. He could like, jump around and stuff, like in the above picture.
Of course, not many men are in their prime at 38, unless they’re bowlers or Robert Redford. But Dmitri doesn’t need to be in his prime. He just needs to be Ryan Howard for a month.
Of course, we say that now, when no baseball is being played. Sure, he doesn’t have to be perfect. But then pitches will start being thrown to him and suddenly, you know; yeah, he does need to be, a little.
- Ha, ha. Dmitri Young plays for our team. I hope he has some sort of quirky resurgence that endears him to us!
- Hey! He singled! That’s fun!
- Hmm. Dmitri couldn’t do anything with those base runners. Oh well. Go Meathook!
- Why didn’t you knock those runs in, Dmitiri?
- There was only one out with runners in scoring position, Dmitri. You couldn’t even get it out of the infield?
- Finally, some offense! Whose up next? Ah, shit.
- Come on, Dmitri, something… anything… damn.
- Holy shit, that’s Dmitri Young. He’s 38 years old and he plays for our team.