Wilson Valdez Loses Battle with Not Being Traded to the Reds

For weeks now,  you’ve been following the Wilson Valdez trade rumors.  Unfortunately, at the moment they hit a fever pitch, they were overlooked, thanks to pointless media-spew like Prince Fielder’s deal with the Tigers or the State of the Union Address.  Oh, an elite hitter is getting paid an asinine amount of money?  Oh, America is still a country?  These aren’t points that could have been made in five minutes tops?

Meanwhile, career journeyman utility infielders are being carelessly tossed around like bean bags in a demented clown’s juggling act.  When are guys like Wilson Valdez going to get the recognition they sort of deserve?  Never.  And now all we’re left with are the novelty moments of heroism he gave us in his years of service as the result of a devastating Jimmy Rollins, Chase Utley, or Placido Polanco injury.    

The past few years of Phillies baseball have been filled with almost equal amounts of bountiful glory and devastating bodily injury.  But for every strained hamstring or petullar tendonitis, there’s been Wilson Valdez and the sharp crack of his bull whip of an arm sending a ball to first base at 800 mph.  He’s been spotted all over the infield, frustrating opposing teams with every diving stop, miraculous throw, or 1-2-3 inning.  He has also given opponents reasons to cheer with every rally-killing double play he’s grounded into.

Yes, you’ve loved Wilson.  You’ve hated Wilson.  You’ve wondered what kind of demon lives inside Wilson and forces him to make his beard look like that.  The point is, you know who he is.  Guys like him don’t expect to have a stadium chanting their name, but they should at least be able to expect that they will live on in references made on message boards.

Anyways.  The Phillies traded him for a left handed reliever.  Jeremy Horst is his name.  He’s apparently okay.