Ah, Citizens Bank Park. A glorious monument sitting at the end of eight promising, fulfilling, satisfying years; consistently producing the best food, fans, and team in baseball. Sitting amidst her seats is akin to lounging upon the clouds of the heavens, defying science by doing so. A beautiful structure, there is not a bad seat in the house, nor a less than perfect view of her exterior.
But you’ve been there. You’ve engaged the class of K Lot prior to a double-header; you’ve embraced celebratory strangers in section 144. What is the only thing left to do? Why, enjoy the sun drenched home of our Phillies by moving slowly around its perimeter, accompanied by several hundred other onlookers, some of whom may be barfing.
We are currently in the middle of the allotted registration time for this year’s Phillies 5K, which is that magical event each year that requires you to jog a bit before giving money to Phillies Charities. Oh, never mind, it’s sold out. Too bad. You’ll have to use that $50 to buy more Phillies shirseys! Or shoes for your kids. Or food. Whatever the social worker says you need.
This year, the free 5K gifts upon completion of the run include a walk down the CBP warning track, an appearance by the Phanatic, and a bib to clean up whatever fluids have come out of your face throughout the morning. Oh, and don’t forget the personalized medal you can get with your name or any other name you want on it. Mine would say “FIRST PLACE.”
But like I said, the race has already sold out, darn it. Guess I will have to save all this athleticism for beating neighborhood children at croquet, most of the time. Of course, a lot of the thrill has been taken away since I was assigned a social worker to tell me where to put all the money I win from them. Or yell at me when I lose it.