Here in the Phillies’ knowledge-sphere, we only know what Ruben Amaro allows us to know. Which is a shame, because he allows us to know so very little. And sometimes, the crumbs of information he’ll feed to us aren’t even legitimate crumbs. They’re just crumbs distracting us him the delicious suckling pig he’s serving at a later date.
So when he says anything, from “We have acquired Cliff Lee” to “Please leave me alone, it’s my daughter’s birthday,” we instinctively reach for our pens; or in the case of us bloggers, we reach for our… mothers’… basements? I guess? Am I making that joke right, every journalist whose terrified of the internet?
Well, it being January and all, Ruben decided to let a few more crumbs drop and Jim Bowden of ESPN jumped on them before anybody else. Now, we have a full fledged idea of not only what Ruben’s plans are for a Big Pieceless first base slot, but of a Domonic Brownless outfield.
None of them are shocking.
Jim Thome admitted that he could summon the will power to play first base three to five times a month, which is honestly impressive. However, a quick calculation/glance at a normal calendar will tell you that a month generally contains four weeks. Therefore, Ty Wigginton will indeed be suiting up to play Ryan Howard for the first month of the season.
Next, we have that left field issue, in that somebody has to stand out there and catch all the baseballs. Dom Brown has proven that no, he is not the man for the job, despite all of the wanting of him to be. He will begin the season most likely in the majestic fields of Triple-A, where he can put a few things together and come back as the highly pressured phenom with the mounted expectations we always knew he DEFINITELY F*CKING WOULD BE.
Until then, the Phils have a myriad of options in left! Thankfully, they are ignoring all of the insane ones and opting for a John Mayberry/Laynce Nix platoon that just sounds terrific, as soon as everyone remembers that we signed Laynce Nix. Domonic Who? Ha, ha, ha.
“Brown.” It’s Domonic “Brown.” He was supposed to be ready by now.