J.C. Romero Hopes You Find Closure for Thing You Forgot About

Androstenedione!

It’s a word you probably wouldn’t be able to remember, even if you were trying to.  But plenty of people have fond and then traumatizing memories of it!  Those people include Patrick Allen, who brought it to North America.  Mark McGwire, who used it to hit a truly unbelievable number of home runs.  And the United States Military, who may not have any specifically documented anecdotes about it, but seem to feel spurned enough by the substance to ban it entirely.

And there’s J.C. Romero the former Phillies lefthanded guy who was our own little “banned substance” story in Philadelphia.  It was disappointing to learn our hot-brained Latin reliever was in trouble for having androstenedione show up in his sample, but the issue was quickly forgotten as J.C.’s tenure as a celebrated reliever evaporated due to him giving up many, many base hits.

So here we are, three years after the fact, and the story has moved forward thusly:  J.C. blamed the positive return on his test on the drug company, and they have reached a settlement that makes everybody happy.

"“…[Romero] believes that ‘justice is served’ and that the resolution ‘gives closure to the fans in (Philadelphia).'”—NY Daily News"

Obviously, you have spent the last few years punching your pillow instead of sleeping and blinking back tears during the work day.

“Why, J.C., why?!” you screamed in the middle of an important board meeting.  The awkward looks of disapproval that would normally follow such an outburst were not there; as your fellow businessmen broke down in sobs for the same reason.  No one was able to maintain their tearless facade.  In away, the debacle brought us all closer together and tearing us individually apart.

But it’s all over now.  The infamous J.C.Romero/Androstenedione Saga that you’ve read about on magazine covers and newspaper headlines has come to a dramatic, drawn-out close, and now, we may finally rest easy, knowing our hero is safe.

Sleep soundly my friends.  For there was a mix-up at the drug company.