Archive for December, 2011

hopefully everyone will be able to keep hold of their more intrusive emotions and avoid screaming “WHY IS JIMMY SO INTENT ON HURTING US?!” in the middle of a speech about… well, probably baseball.

No one is lining up to get a signed copy of The Kevin Sefcik Story.

5th grade is a point when childlike ignorance allows everything to appear okay, except if the head trainer of a professional sports team bursts in and forces you and all your classmates through a regiment of exercises he imposes only on adult men.

Prior to yesterday, the Phillies had but one lefty coming out of their bullpen. Ruben Amaro addressed this issue by signing 29-year-old lefty Dontrelle Willis (yes, he’s somehow still in his 20s) to an incentive-laden one year deal worth $1 million dollars. Phillies fans know him as that guy with the goofy leg kick who had some success as a Marlin back in the early-to-mid 2000s. But since 2007, he’s been an irrelevant back-of-the-rotation journeyman who seems to get by on a mix of name recognition and 5-something ERAs. In 2012, however, the Phillies have a different plan for him: a lefty-specialist role [...]

In the mean time, Jimmy will continue taking the lives of endangered species babies.

Though as he locks the door behind him and breaks the key off, he knows damn well that it will never be safe.

The Mets recently walked away with $40 million in loans as Bud Selig smiled and waved, then went back to mowing his lawn with an old-timey non electric mower while whistling.

But like I said it’ll probably be sold out so you can’t go.

They probably won’t get him and we’ll have to settle for another year of Tony Bastard’s victory-sneezes.

Benny will be most remembered for a home run in a game we barely won during a series we definitely lost.