In offseason Major League Baseball news, the Hot Stove has become a common term to describe the constantly scalding nature of information regarding player movement. The Hot Stove exists to keep your interests aflame and your knowledge burnt to a crisp. Why, even now, MLB’s web site could be boiling some steamy news that will undoubtedly overflow onto the blogs below, keeping us all safe and warm in the horrid darkness of winter.
In other places, like Williamsport, PA, a “hot stove” has a far less metaphorical definition: it is a stove that is hot and used to cook food. And that food will be distributed to local fans, former players, and a man in a ridiculous costume.
The Williamsport Crosscutters, our affiliate in the New York-Penn League, are holding their sixth annual Hot Stove Dinner and Auction this January, and you’re invited! But oh look, you waited too long to RSVP and now all the spots have been filled, just like they have every year since 2009. Please tear up your invitation and place it on the hot stove to be burned. Thanks.
But what everyone who replied in a timely fashion will be experiencing is quite a treat. Andy Tracy will be there; yes, the Andy Tracy, who appeared in a Phillies uniform once or twice in 2008 and 2009. Now, he’s the manager of the Crosscutters, and he’s about to be one of the guests of honor.
Sadly, his appearance will be overshadows by the Phanatic, who, whether it be through manic thrusting or fistfuls of confetti, somehow attracts attention to himself better than anyone else.
The last guest is a mystery figure who will be voted into the Bowman Field Hall of Fame. No word yet on who it is, but I assume they will show up for the Hot Stove Dinner in a suit jacket patterned with question marks and a burlap sack over their head.
It’ll be a hell of a party! If nothing else, it will allow the Phanatic to inject some childlike ecstasy into undoubtedly depressed adults, devastated at the notion of living through another winter.
But like I said it’ll probably be sold out so you can’t go.