Phillies Add to Stockpile of Old Veteran Minor Leaguers

With every signing, there are question marks.  In this case, we have “Who is Scott Elarton?”

Scott has pitched for such MLB powerhouses as Houston, Colorado, Cleveland, and Kansas City over the course of ten years.  Whoa, whoa, whoa.  Don’t jump to conclusions just because you’re only now realizing that “powerhouses” was sarcastic.  They all have good players and stuff.  Why are you acting like Scott Elarton is so bad?  Just… JUST GIVE SCOTT ELARTON A CHANCE FOR GODS SAKE.

If anything, we need to sign more pitchers.  All of them, if possible.  We may not have a stacked farm system, so what we do have is space.  Lots of it.  Empty, gaping voids that apparently suck in whatever’s talent is out there so that when we turn to them to fill out the 40-man, there are actually players to use.

When Scott Elarton was 24, he went 17-7 for the Astros, with an ERA several ticks under 5.00.  That’s pretty okay!

But Scott’s career doesn’t begin and end with double digit wins and an ERA nobody cares about.  Scott came barreling toward the Majors during the last year there was a work stoppage as the 25th overall draft pick by Houston.  He skipped a few steps and went from high school to the minors, and from the low minors to the high minors, and then to the pitcher’s mound in the Astrodome, where allowed four earned runs and struck out nine over six and a third innings.

It was incredible.

The next Scott knew, he was playing in a facility with “Enron” in the name, he was having major shoulder surgery, and his ERA was over seven.  By 2008, he was benched due to “personal issues.”

But all of this is eclipsed by the fact that Scott Elarton is a human monster.  At 6′ 8″, it is so surprise that most hitters are likely terrified of his intimidating shadow as it stretches toward the batter’s box during day games.  He’s now 35, which any misinformed person will tell you is the age when a relief pitcher enters his prime.

So when I said give Scott Elarton a chance, I didn’t mean because he possesses a seriously high level of talent.  I said it because if you don’t, he’ll probably drag you out of your bed screaming and into the night, where he now abides.