Carpenter Complex Hoping Facelift will Maybe Get Phillies’ Attention

In any marriage, the occasional drift is a possibility.  Maybe there isn’t actual unfaithfulness, but interests can fade and what used to be fun can melt into a pile of sloppy adulterous thoughts.

And how do you fix a fractured relationship?  By pumping millions of dollars into it, of course!

Money.  It fixes everything.  Just ask Jonathan Papelbon, or your parents.  Just kidding.  I’m sure they’re very happy.  The Phillies and Papelbon, I mean.  I don’t know your parents.  I’m sure they’re lovely.

Look, the Phillies have been holding Spring Training at the Carpenter Complex since it was an actual, single carpenter, building the facility one wooden slab at a time.  Obviously, they may not be as enamored with what brought them there in first place anymore.  From what I’ve read, it was the down-home, haunted warehouse-like charm that brought them together.  Apparently the building didn’t even have running water.

But that major inconvenience is about to be remedied, thanks to $3 million donated by the Phillies themselves!  Much like a disinterested husband, wordlessly hurling his checkbook at his wife, the team would be far more into the complex if it prettied itself up a bit.  If it doesn’t, there are plenty of other Spring Training facilities willing to open up for the Phillies.

Covered walkways!  Enormous weight rooms!  Running water!  A brand new building!  Batting cages transformed into landscaping!  The Clearwater community is delving into this project with gusto, and it will make for an aesthetically pleasing 2013.  Which may be as far as the pleasing goes that season.

Of course, they have to be careful not to get rid of the old, moss-covered cinder blocks that Roy Halladay carries on his back while running stairs and Chase Utley hurls wordlessly against the wall because he felt an emotion.  But as long as they avoid a disaster like that, the new renovations should make for a splendid future partnership.  And if it doesn’t, well, the Phillies can always just pump some more money into it.