Phillies Take Advice from Old Beer Commercial; Idolize Twins

Michael Cuddyer was seen frolicking about town the other day, Jim Thome is already here, and Joe Nathan is probably see these things unfold and wondering why no one from the Phillies is calling him.  I know the feeling, Joe.  I know it… so well.

But the list of former and current Twins that the Phillies are trying to get with continues to grow, without adding Joe Nathan’s name.  This time, its Jason Kubel, reports Jayson Stark in  a small blurb of a bullet point that anyone would take seriously.

Twins fans seem ready to let Kubel go, whose 2010 and 2011 were fretful in comparison to 2009.  He’s slow, his glove is ornamental, and because it isn’t 2009 anymore, his offensive usefulness is average.  Which would make him totally perfect for some American League team trying to fill out a lineup.  But he’s another one of these slow-moving hard-hitters who refuses to accept what was inevitable and is currently happening–that no one in their right mind would depend on him to make a defensive stop.

Naturally, the Phillies have him on their list.  Remember we are the team whose secret weapon was a 35-year-old man with no hip.

Look, the outfielders on this team are already bumping into each other like people waiting for a bus in the rain.  There’s no need to lock down a free agent corner outfielder for some extended stay and wind up giving him more money than he’s ever seen to be one of like seven guys not getting a ton of playing time.  According to analysts far more analyst-y than me, there are better options out there.

Besides, neither Cuddyer nor Kubel truly want to leave Minnesota.  They’ve cuddled into the warm underbelly of the Twin Cities and see no reason to be birthed into the harsh, frigid overworld surrounding them.  Both have said they’d be cool with retiring as Twins, which doesn’t make ripping them away from their beloved impossible, but sort of raises an eyebrow that we’re talking to more guys discussing their retirements after already signing Jim Thome.